yearn

I am typing this with my eyes closed. The sun is in the puuuurrrrfect point in the sky where it shines directly onto my face while I sit at my desk. This does not annoy me at all. I don't care if I can't see the screen. I only care about letting the sun bless my skin. Yes, I let it bless me. It asks, I allow. That's how it works.

You know what else works? Being a kind person. I don't know how it works, but I have faith that it does. There is far too much cruelty in the world. I think we could at least through out some compassion every now and again in an attempt to balance things out a bit. I mean, why not? We really only have two options: Be kind or be kind of a jerk.

I am kind of stating the obvious, but "leading a compassionate life" has been at the very very front of my mind lately. Well, not the very front. Every and anything ED related takes the number one spot, but after that! After that it is the question of how I can live a more selfless, softhearted existence.

ED has me trapped in an arid world of just me. And hey! I am great company, yeah? Yeah! But not when I am my own dictator, my own captor. I can only be isolated for so long. I can only sit and stew in my own issues for so long. I can only stay stiff for so long until I snap and say so long to my self-imposed prison. In other words, I am really, really, really ready to make a break for it. I know I have it in me to successfully escape. Besides, I hold the key to my own ball and chain.

With ED out of the picture, I can focus on what matters. I can focus on other humans, on relationships, on strengthening that empathy muscle. I can focus on what I can give rather than on what I lack.

So I guess I'll probably end up being the next Dalai Lama?

JK, JK. I JK a lot. But I am not JKing about kindness! Get ready for me to be extra gooey sweet. You will all get cavities.