growth

Anyone else feel like a burden on society or is it just me? I joke. I don't feel like a burden on society, but I DO feel like a burden on my family/their wallets. They all have wallets, by the way. They all have grown up, nice looking, leather wallets. I have a coin purse with a cat's face on it. I think I bought it at Target in the little girls' section. About 89% of the time I still believe I'm under the age of 14.

I need to grow up. I want to grow up. I have kept myself in the role of li'l kiddo since, well, I was a li'l kiddo. I'm sure it has served as a defense mechanism. Everything serves as a defense mechanism. But I'm starting to get bored in this role. I don't get anywhere being this child. Hell, I can't even drive or vote or buy a bottle of cheap whiskey.

In other words, no more ignoring the uncomfortable. No more assuming someone else will take care of the mundane. No more letting others bail me out. Yes, I will still ask for help. Yes, I will still admit that I am clueless. And yes, I will still be a child in the sense that I will look for the wonder in the smallest things (I hope). But I have to grow up and start showing up for my life. I want to be here. I want to be an active participant in life.

This is boring. It was necessary for me to put this out here, though. Hold me accountable! Now for some monkey mind... In a minute. First I need to pay some glorious, heavenly, oh-so-resplendent medical bills.

Fun.