Monday, March 30, 2015


Monkey Mind... TO THE MAX!!! Saved by the Bell. Yeah yeah yeah, the '90s. Trendy. If you watched even a second of Saved by the Bell, you will understand why I mentioned it just now after yelling TO THE MAX!!! I purposed decided not to italicize Saved by the Bell, by the way, because I am a rebel. I italicize when I feel like it, buster. I eat drippy sunbutter and all-natural apricot preserve sandwiches whenever I wanna, punk. Buy me some motorcycle boots. I will wear them as I kick ED's ass!!! Three exclamation points for everything. Everything!!! This first paragraph/swing on the branch is depleting me of all precious energy quickly. I must slow down.

I must slow down and simplify and be trendy by living in a tiny house. Damn those tiny houses! They are a dream come true. Built on wheels, they will move on as quickly as I do. Here's something you may not know: I actually don't move on quickly. It may seem like I do. I may seem to come and go and abandon certain situations/places/people/identities at the drop of a Forever 21 fedora purchased back in 2007 when I thought fedoras were super hip, but that is merely an illusion. I am actually quite nostalgic and sentimental and perhaps a tad codependent. But I am also stubborn. I don't like to be seen as weak. I am learning that being sensitive isn't weak, though. Being sensitive might be one of the coolest, strongest things a person can be. Add a fedora to that person and you've just created a GOD.

Oh, the next branch my mind was swinging to has disappeared. I swear it was there a minute ago, but it became distracted by the thought of Tom Cruise's wonky tooth. Look at his teeth. They are off-center. One of his front tooths (TOOTHS?!) is in the middle of his face. Well, not his FACE, but his mouth. Or rather, it was. He had braces, remember? I absolutely forgot that! I was always secretly disappointed as a child that I didn't get to have braces. I did, however, get to have coke-bottle glasses and a weird relationship with food. So it all evened out!

Monkey is so done swinging on those branches. In fact, the monkey isn't even anywhere near a tree anymore. The monkey is just wandering around a desert naked, tripping out on peyote. The monkey is a moon god. The monkey is an ancient alien. The monkey is the mother wolf goddess, healer of the planet, ruler of the skies, friend to all of humanity. The monkey just sat on a cactus.

I'll be back with more thoughts. In the meantime, do yourself a favor and pour sunbutter all over your naked body.

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