Friday, March 13, 2015


I can change my mood right now and I think I have to unless I want a shitty Friday evening. Today wasn't bad. Work was fine, I felt mostly fine, I ate lunch AND a snack, and so on and so on. There are just little annoyances happening right now and I am letting them get to me. I am distracted. Why am I annoyed and distracted? Because my dumbass neighbor is parked right in front of my window and he is unloading a bunch of logs and... And never mind. It's not worth typing. Although upon rereading what I just wrote, I do find it humorous that he is unloading logs. Where did he get all of these logs? Why so many logs, man? Will there be a bonfire or a witch hunt? Is he aware that I am both a hippie (love those bonfires!) and a witch (hate those hunts!).

I juuuuust just just just want to have, like, a second where I don't have to be around other people. I can't go on a walk in this town because it is damn Family City, USA, which means no matter where I go, there will either be a stroller or a scooter or a jogger chasing after me. I don't have the opportunity to let my mind wander. I guess I don't have the convenience to let my mind wander. I probably always have the opportunity, I just have to search for it a little harder.

Okay, I just started crying. I tried to have a better attitude about the whole log thing (which, I understand, is probably still confusing for you -- it is for me, too), but I couldn't take it anymore. Whatever. He has the right to unload a shit ton of logs from the back of his truck and block my window/the sun. Maybe I'm just tired. Maybe I need a hug. But don't hug me because I really want to be left alone right now.

I need to go do something for someone else. I need to get out of my head and step away from my goofy little log-related problems. They don't even have to be problems.

Maybe I also just need a sandwich. A sandwich made out of patience and compassion and a lot of roast beef. Extra mayo, please. I haven't let myself eat mayo since I was a child. I would get the Chicken Little sandwich at KFC, which was basically just a chicken patty with mayo. I think that's the last time I've had mayonnaise. So... 22 years ago? Is mayonnaise good? Will you buy me a tub of it? I think I just figured out what I need in life: Solitude, mayonnaise, and an endless supply of logs.

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