I wish I could see myself as the strong person I know that I am. But I don't. I mean, physically I am pretty much a wet noodle, but I'm not here to discuss noodles. Should I be? My posts have been so melodramatic lately. I want to be cheerful and absurd again. I want to discuss noodles and elephants and mermaids and hamburgers and anything but iron infusions and nerve damage. And now I just started crying. I feel like I am falling apart. My physical health is obviously in shambles. My mental health doesn't feel so hot, either. I am trying to maintain this optimistic attitude, but I feel myself slipping. I worry that my extremely chipper attitude on Saturday was a fluke. What goes up must come down.
But I should also remind myself that today has been strange. It's normal to feel strange on a strange day. It is strange because I spent a good portion of my morning in the basement of a hospital in a windowless room with an IV in my little noodle arm. It has also been a damn fine rainy day, which is damn fine because I damn love the damn rain, buuuut it does add a bit of moodiness to one's day. (Have I ever considered that I enjoy being a moody soul? That maybe I unwisely hang on to the role of being the victim because I think it makes me more creative? Oh hell, who knows.) Oh yeah, and I have suddenly had to blow my nose, like, all the time. It doesn't feel like a cold, though. It's just so much snot. It has me fearing that my brain is leaking out of my skull. Yet another worry.
I am going to give up on Monday. Monday has come and now it is going. Good riddance! No. Not, good riddance. Let me put my chipper hat back on and turn this attitude around. Today wasn't bad. And here is why:
My sister and I got to spend time together. She was selfless enough to take time off of work and drive me to the hospital and sit with me in that awful windowless basement IV room for over two hours. And then she even tolerated my trip to Big Lots after! Whatta gal.
Speaking of Big Lots, I got some cool shit there! Chips and oysters (uhhhh...) and wasabi peas and wasabi chickpeas and granola bars and canned chicken and ground cumin and apparently I was hungry. Anyway, I was able to purchase the dumb items with my own dumb money. That alone is something for which I should be grateful. And about those oysters... Let me just say that they are SUPER HIGH in iron. They were only a dollar! They are going to definitely make me puke! Or get horny. They are an aphrodisiac, no? YES.
I went to the library and bought eight issues of Tin House for ten cents a piece. Ten cents! What a steal! Now this means I have to actually read them instead of letting them just sit on my floor.
A dreamy pen pal of mine sent me a letter.
I had enough energy to wash my hair for the first time since, oh, 2001.
And tonight I will look at recipes with my best friend (my mama) and maybe be brave/stupid enough to eat some dollar oysters.