Tuesday, March 3, 2015


Oh balls. (Warning: Weather talk ahead!) It's windy! Nooooo. Windy and snowy and wet, which means recess will be a blast today. Recess! I went to college for eight years in order to go back to recess. Huh. Well, despite the weather and the prospect of freezing my ass off next to the monkey bars, I am in a favorable mood. (Okay, but now it's hailing and my mood is going from favorable to fearful. Fear: The final frontier.)

Hello there, old Monkey Mind. Care for some tea? Let's talk. You start.

*I am reading Tess of d'Urbervilles and it's, like, meh. I don't dislike it, but it's certainly no East of Eden. I do like, however, that the word "ejaculate" is used liberally. "My sweet dairymaid Tess!" he ejaculated. Yes.

*I had a total, complete, absolute, no good very bad meltdown last night around 6:58pm. I was in the middle of setting the timer for The Rachel Maddow Show when, to no fault of Rachel's, I broke down in hysterical sobs. I transformed into an anemic version of the Hulk. It was an angry sadness. Who what where when why how? I cannot answer any of these questions for certain. I lied face down on my floor in the darkness of my room and cried for a good five minutes. Then I got up, blew my nose, flat ironed my hair, reapplied my eyeliner, put on chapstick, and apologized to my mother. Then she and I looked at different panini recipes while I folded the laundry. Interesting evening.

*Okay, the weather just went bonkers. It doesn't help that I am sitting in front of a window. Anxiety levels rising! Hunker down, sailors! (What does "hunker down" mean? Sounds sexy. "Hunker down, sailors!" she ejaculated.) But here is where Meghan's Wise Mind takes over. I can either freak out about the weather (already have!) or I can realize that there's no controlling it and I must do what I must do, which is go to work and try my damnedest to get out of recess duty. Duty. "You have a duty!" he ejaculated over and over and over again.

*Brain fog. My brain has a good 20 minutes of clarity and productivity in the morning. And then suddenly, like a FREAK SNOWSTORM, it becomes grey. Grey brain. 50 shades of grey brain. My brain is a blizzard and I'm just a cold child lost in the playground of life. YEAH! Ejaculate THAT! I am hoping the iron will lift this fog and turn me into Popeye -- or at least a pleasant version of the Hulk. I can still break through walls and t-shirts, but I do not get angry or speak in the 3rd person.

Well, Monkey Mind, our tea chat has been compelling! Intriguing! Provocative! But now it is time for you to stop swinging and start sustaining yourself with a diet of bananas and paninis. I will do the same.

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