Tuesday, March 17, 2015


Look, today is a day when I have to wear green. Green is perhaps my favorite color, but I don't wear it. And I especially feel goofy wearing it on days such as today. If you aren't aware of what today is, mosey on over to your cat calendar and take a peek at March 17. That's right! It's St. Pawtrick's Day! (Get it?! PAWtrick's?! Like a cat. Because of your calendar. Because of your cat calendar.) I'm one of those jerks who scoff at wearing red on Valentine's, green on Pawtrick's, and an American flag string bikini with sparklers coming out of the nipple region on the Fourth. I am becoming less of a jerk and more of a passive participant now that I work in an elementary school and see how happy dumb stuff like appropriate attire on holidays makes the munchkins. So today I will wear this weird green shapeless dress thing I purchased at American Apparel back in 2007 and have worn never. I will wear the dress and a smile and pinch the hell out of any unlucky 5-year-old who dares to come to school free of green. Sucker.

Today is also the day when I get to look over and figure out and discuss and try not to freak out about medical bills with my sissy! I am okay with this. I am okay because it has to be done and it will probably put my mind at ease in some ways and I get to see my sissy. I am okay with it because I want to be okay with it. I have noticed lately that we have almost too much say in how we feel. You've heard it before, but it's not what happens to you, but how you react to what happens to you. For example, a color blind kindergartener may pinch me today, but I don't have to go apeshit because of it. Instead I can grab the green frosted cupcake out of their sticky little hand and throw it on the floor, painfully smashing it with my boot while staring down the SOB. That'll teach him. Or her. Or they, if they happen to be gender fluid. And I am here to teach, aren't I? Lesson learned.

Hey! I haven't mentioned Ed once! Except to mention that I haven't mentioned him. Or her. Or they, if Ed happens to be gender fluid. I haven't mentioned Ed because Ed hasn't been in the forefront of my mind. I mean, he has, but as I become healthier, my mind awakens and my old interests return, as well as some new ones (such as wearing green 24/7). Interests that are not related to Ed. It's, like, "Get lost, Eddie. This chick has some zines to create in order to pay for some medical bills for which YOU are to blame. So yeah, beat it!" Get lost! Beat it! Pinch it! Pinch THIS, Ed! No, wait. Let me pinch you until you scream mercy. And here, have a cupcake. I dare you.

Okay, peaches! Good luck today. Go out there and find your rainbow and pot of gold and Jameson shots. Go out there and eat a damn potato! Go out there and pinch whomever or whatever tries to bring you down. You got this.

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