Thursday, August 27, 2009

get ready for a shitload of copied and pasted quotes

Lately I have been surrounded by negativity towards other people. Whether it is me feeling this negativity or people close to me having these feelings, it is there. And it shouldn't be. Ill feelings breed nothing but destruction to the soul. I need help with being a more compassionate person. The funny/ridiculous thing is that I will get frustrated when other people feel frustrated-- but aren't I just doing the exact same thing I am frustrated with? Does that make sense? No, it doesn't really. So, without further ado, I bring you some Dalai Lama quotes that have a way of instantly humbling me. Enjoy and Namaste.

"Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible."

"Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can't help them, at least don't hurt them."

"If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion."

"In the practice of tolerance, one's enemy is the best teacher."

"Sometimes one creates a dynamic impression by saying something, and sometimes one creates as significant an impression by remaining silent."

"This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness."

"Whether one believes in a religion or not, and whether one believes in rebirth or not, there isn't anyone who doesn't appreciate kindness and compassion."

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

time is an accessory

I feel somewhat petty about the yoga comment I made in my last post... That's all I'll say. That I feel a tad petty about it and that I probably didn't need to write it. Anyway, moving on, today has been so incredibly long. But I don't think I have accomplished much. Okay, so I have. And it doesn't really matter if I "accomplish" anything anyway, because hell-- it's the last day of summer 2009. I should have spent it in the laaaaziest way possible and felt ooookay about it. I know why I am so "goal oriented" today and it basically has to do with medication. It's exhausting. I am conflicted in all kinds of ways. But I am going to remain vague about it all. At least for now.

I am stressed out about this upcoming semester. My classes are so spread out and I myself feel so spread out. That's the right phrase, right? Oh wait-- I guess it's "I feel so spread thin." Right? Well anyway, basically I am realizing that the four months of complete and total nothingness will not help me tomorrow when I begin my four months of complete and total everythingness.

But I just got off the phone. And I was talked to in a calming voice with calming reassurance and calming advice. I feel better. I could still use four hundred Xanax, though.

Does anyone have time management advice? Ha. Time. Like it even exists. I should have asked if anyone has man's greatest/worst accessory advice.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

if you leave me comments, i will make you a vegan dessert and give you a five second hug

Enough with the posts that are just copy/paste quotes from It's time for more list posts that are copy/paste from the bRaIn.

*There are some who think yoga is evil and will do evil things to your body. But I disagree. I disagree so much that I am willing to do yoga for 40 days and 40 nights straight just to spite these people/her.
*SIX days of veganism. I HAVE YET TO FAIL! But when I do fail, I hope I fail because I have been hired to be a food taster for a noble king in some far off land. This king will like his scrambled eggs scrambled and, well, I'm getting paid to make sure he does not consume any poison, so eat those eggs I must. But until that day, I'm stayin' a vegan.
*I miss reading. I miss it so much. I panic when I think of all the books I probably won't get around to reading... Well, until we are all stuck in heaven for eternity and are, like, NOW WHAT. I guess I could get around to a few things in heaven, such as reading every book/pamphlet/People magazine article ever written. Just readin' and bein' one of a million wives to one of a thousand planet making gods.
*Ties are probably uncomfortable for dudes to wear, but they should try wearing a bra every single day-- then that damn tie wouldn't be such a burden.
*I have purchased quite a few relationship books with a Buddhist twist lately. Cool. I really think they are going to be better than any therapy I could get, at least at this point. BUT I think therapy is still a good idea. AND I think this is definitely a topic for a later post, so no more details now.
*Oh damn. I should probably start thinking about what I am going to do after graduating. Most likely grad school. Or maybe I will go live on a ranch somewhere and walk around in my underwear. I can do practically anything!!!... Except for getting a job. Who has a job with only a bachelor's degree? Especially when that degree is in English? No one. Sigh. Oh well. Why would I want to put on a tie/bra everyday and go into a stuffy old office anyway? I will settle for the ranch and underwear any day over the 9 to 5.
*I should be planning out future issues of The V. So I will. See you later, skaters, haters, and manipulators (which none of you are!!! well, some of you may long board on occasion, right?).


Friday, August 21, 2009

two weeks

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable." -C.S. Lewis

"Without trust, words become the hollow sound of a wooden gong. With trust, words become life itself." -somebody

"Wise men put their trust in ideas and not in circumstances." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Shit happens, man." -Meghan Wiemer

"No, seriously-- shit happens and it sucks." -Meghan Wiemer

Monday, August 17, 2009

does the exterior mirror the interior?

One week ago, my world destroyed my world. I was heartbroken and heartsick. I was dependent on sleeping pills and Degrassi. My eyes, needless to say, were constantly red and puffy. But now a week has passed. And today was one of the most pleasant days I've had in a long time. Why? How is this possible? Can so much deep pain really vanish in just a mere 168 hours? It can't, right? Have my emotions been buried and supressed only to viciously return in the form of a total breakdown somewhere down the road? Have I build an 18 inch-thick steel wall around myself? Or was I not nearly as hurt as I thought I was/should have been? I am confused about my sudden dry and unswollen eyes. I am perplexed by my politeness. I am disconcerted by the disconnection with my despair. I am starting to feel like a foreigner instead of a warrior.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

well it's anyone's, anyone's guess

On Monday I start my vegan life.

I am so damn tired.

I stole two cookies, two apples, and two oranges today from a Best Western.

I can't stay awake.

When I got into my car today, "Mysteries" by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs was playing. And it was like I could have written every single word of that song this morning. Very relevant to my life. Incredibly so. Check out the lyrics if you are so inclined. If you are not inclined, then do whatever it is that you are inclined to do, so long as you do not rip someone's heart out in the process and/or steal food from hotel chains. Stealing is just wrong.

Friday, August 14, 2009


My last entry probably shouldn't have been written.

I need to disappear. From "them." I thought I was okay today, but I was just blocking everything out, looking at a blank screen.

At night the screen is static with flickers of suggestions. These reminders turn into replies and "message sent" and repetitive rhetorical questions.

I should just fall asleep before ten. For the sake of everyone.

And just for the hell of it, here is another quote:

"I love my friends. They are my backbone. Greg Wilcox is on the cover of City Weekly." -Orem Meg

Thursday, August 13, 2009

this post features the words "douchey" and "Greg Wilcox"

Well, I'm not on Adderall, so don't expect this post to be long or well-written. As sad as it is, I feel like Adderall makes me a better writer. But at times it also makes me a frantic writer. You know, just writing all sorts of drawn out weird "SHIT" that ends up making no sense. But nothing really makes sense these days/this week, and, well, that's life/this week, kiddo.

What a stupid paragraph. It sure SOUNDS like I'm on Adderall. But I assure you I am not.

I want to say a few things.

I don't know what it is about the public forum. Why am I writing somewhere where anybody in the world can read my thoughts? Why not just write in a private diary with a lock on it and the key hidden under my teddy bear? Because I don't have a teddy bear. And because perhaps I want the "secret" pleasure in knowing that my current struggles and internal dialogues with myself will be read by certain people. I imagine them getting onto the Internet. I imagine them clicking on the link to my blog. I imagine them reading my words and thinking of me. Hmmm. I wonder how obvious this "them" is. It's one person, okay? One person.

Man. I shouldn't write this post. I should delete it. But I like the honesty and vulnerability. Can I admit that? Does admitting that make it less honest? No, I don't think so. I think it just means I am self-aware. Wow, that last sentence sounded so... douchey. Does it sound douchey? Good Lord/BUDDHA, I question myself a lot. I guess I'm really not that self-aware.

I'm rambling. Because I forgot what it was I even wanted to say.

I think I just wanted to say that Greg Wilcox is on the cover of City Weekly and that Pearl Jam is coming in concert. There. Now "them" knows.

And by the way, I DO have a teddy bear. I have a couple, actually. And one that is big and white and wearing a green bow. But it doesn't really matter because I never close the lock. They key was lost long ago.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

For SOME reason I only have the energy to copy/paste quotes for blog posts. But these quotes explain my past three days brilliantly.

“There is nothing more dreadful than the habit of doubt. Doubt separates people. It is a poison that disintegrates friendships and breaks up pleasant relations. It is a thorn that irritates and hurts; it is a sword that kills.” --Buddha

Monday, August 10, 2009


"Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish it's source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings." --Anais Nin

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

if you leave me comments, i will predict your future

So here's the deal, reader of blog-- I want to write a post. I'm just in "one of those moods." But I am also at a loss for interesting things to write about. Yet one man's interesting is another man's boring, just like one man's trash is another man's "authentic vintage" that they sell in a vintage store/hipster's paradise at an incredibly hiked up price. Pay $$$ to look like you have no $$$! And try to look as unique as possible just to end up looking as non-unique as possible because everyone else is dressing in the EXACT SAME authentic bullshit vintage as you are! Why can't we just stop? Why can't we just go back to wearing togas and/or loin cloths and/or fig leaves? Now THOSE items are vintage.

Where was I? Oh yes. Nowhere. But nowhere is somewhere, right? Let's talk beauty myth.

Man. Maybe not. The Beauty Myth is a subject I really do want to talk about, but I think writing about it will take much more effort than I am willing to put forth at this moment. At this moment I just kinda sorta wanna watch Larry David get into trouble on Curb. I also want to read more of Infinite Jest, but I don't know if my brain can handle it. My brain needs to catch its breath. Reading a mere 20 pages of that book is the equivalent of running a marathon. I attribute this analogy to Jack Jared Waters, by the way.

Remember John Bytheway? I think I remember a talk he gave about a down syndrome child picking up a desk in the middle of class and throwing it across the room. But most likely I am remembering incorrectly.

This post went nowhere. But it also went everywhere. WHERE in the world is Carmen San Diego? You tell me, reader of blog. YOU. TELL. ME.