will

Happy Presidents' Day! Here's lookin' at you, William Henry Harrison. What would your ideal Presidents' Day be like? Mine would involve a yurt, eggs, Anthony Bourdain, Tilda Swinton, cheek kisses, and a naked body painting party. If none of that makes sense, you are not a loyal reader of my blog or you are a logical person or both. But one thing you are not? A President of the United States. (Barack! Are you one of my 58 followers? A small, illogical part of me believes that you are. Your morning schedule consists of delivering a statement on the passing of Scalia, drinking coffee -- which I know you like black, very black -- and then checking out herfogandpearls.blogspot.com.)

I am currently reading a book that uses "by jove!" and that describes characters as "sentimental asses" and "poor wretches." It's fantastic. In my 20s I was all about those Beats and books from the 1960s that made you feel existential and validated in your sorrow. Now, well into my 30s (I'm 31), I am finding myself drawn to long, sweeping British novels/sleeping pills. And to think I avoided British literature classes in college at all costs and took way too many Bob Dylan classes (I took one, which was enough). I am about to type something very, very profound: Things and people change. Gasp.

But you know what doesn't change? The fact that William Henry Harrison died on his 32nd day in office. That sucks big time for Bill! Wonder if he went by Will, Bill, Willy, Billy, William, or will.i.am. I would go by Henry. Maybe I can still go by Henry. I do love Henry James... And, here's a weird connection, Henry's brother was William James and William James has the same name as our ninth President and 9 is a 6 upside down and if you divide 6 by 2 you get 3 and if you put 3 threes together you get the number 333 which is the year Emperor Constantine the Great pulls Roman troops out of Britain and abandons work on Hadrian's Wall. OMG!!!

Well, I'll leave you with that. Think about it. Think very hard about it and then continue to make these completely coherent connections to everything else you encounter in life. Hey, it's worked for me! I'm here, unemployed, very single, chewing on ice, watching anime at one in the morning. See? Who wouldn't want to be in my position?