Tuesday, February 9, 2016


My last post was... not so good. I'm not promising that this one will be spectacular or even terribly readable, but it will be more focused? I think? I think it has something to do with me being able to think again. I was a thinker in the past, so I wasn't too worried that I'd never be able to think again. But still. I hit a wall this morning. I was irritable and sleepy and probably irritable because I was sleepy. Running helped. Running always seems to help unless I overdo it, haven't eaten properly, or have a pulled groin muscle. (Did you know I told the whole world about my pulled groin muscle on a dating website? Needless to say, I got a lot of messages from a lot of gross groin loving goofs. Then I paused for half a millisecond and thought, "Why the freak am I even on this website?" I'll tell you why. Because I am human and am occasionally desiring of affection. THAT'S why.)

So now that I have finished running and am now running on an endorphin high, I will spend the rest of my Tuesday contributing virtually nothing to society. I will lose and find myself in a book. I will be stubborn and stupid and spend several hours outside despite the gunky air. I will undoubtedly worry about something almost entirely made up inside of my sometimes-thinking head. I will return books to the library and check out more, essentially checking out an identity or perhaps collecting clues to whatever it is I am searching for. I will cave in and bake banana bread tonight. I will write by hand, tingling fingers be damned.

What luxury. And, of course, I feel downright guilty for having these hours and hours and hours given to me to explore. Society tells me I'm useless unless I have a job or a family. Well, then, consider me useless. Useless and content with watching the sparrows return, the ice melt from the branches, the light in the sky lingering and hinting at longer, fuller days.

No comments: