Friday, February 12, 2016


Anytime I sit down to write a post, I imagine three specific people reading my blog: my ex-boyfriend, my ex-employer, and my mom. I am A-OK with my mama reading my blog... So long as whatever I say doesn't worry her too much. And, frankly, I don't mind my exes reading, either. I doubt that they do. How dare I flatter myself! But if they do, that is juuust fine. I was actually on fairly okay terms with these exes for a long while until they read various, flippant tweets I wrote and, well, poof. There I go again! Ruining relationships in 140 characters or less. It's a well-developed skill of mine apparently. Anyway, I think it would be advantageous if I just wrote without first worrying about who will be reading these posts. Ignore the reader! Kidding. But at least ignore the fear -- or let the fear work for me rather than against me. Okay, deal. I don't know how to do that exactly, but it's a deal.

I have taken a few days off from checking my email. Probably not the smartest idea. Although maybe? Maybe disconnecting and not being so easy to reach isn't a bad thing at all. It's probably pretty healthy. Last night after watching my beloved anime series (for realz!), I googled how to live like a hermit. I already do, but it reassured me that other people do this as well and that, for the most part, it's okay. I mean, as long as you aren't off in a cabin making bombs or hoarding fingernail clippings or whatever, I think a break from society to partake in a life of contemplation sounds dynamite. (I guess I shouldn't have used the word "dynamite" after talking about bombs. Also, it is not 1974.)

I won't be a hermit forever. I like genuine human interaction too much. I think I go through periods, as we all do, of solitude. They are necessary. They aren't easy, that's for sure. These times of isolation are rich with both loneliness and insight. But if one can work through the loneliness, the insights will become clearer and more valuable and I have no idea what I'm saying anymore. I'm too cold to think. Thanks, tray of ice cubes I just chewed.

What I'm trying to get at is that I shouldn't feel guilty for "taking a break." I shouldn't beat myself up for not going to every concert, show, or party that comes my way. I know that's not what I need right now. I know it's just the pressure of the outside world telling me that I should "get out more" and "be social." Well, maybe everyone in the outside world needs to "get in more" and "read a book." Ever thought of that, hmmmm?

Well, I'm off to warm up my cold bones over a heater vent. I hope my exes and my mom and everyone else didn't hate this post too much. I hope you learned a lot! And if you didn't, let me quickly leave you with a few astonishing facts about sea turtles: The seven species that can be found today have been around for 110 MILLION years. Green sea turtles can stay underwater for as long as five hours. Most sea turtles undergo long migrations, some as far as 1400 miles. Our universe is lying on the shell of a sea turtle. I think.

No comments: