puppet

Did I overdo it yesterday? I have a feeling I overdid it yesterday. Today might not be any different. In fact, most of my days for the past couple of months have felt remarkably similar. Like, 6 months = one very, very long day. Part of that had to do with me having a consistent schedule with work, but another part of that had to do with me finding almost too much comfort in routine. Routine isn't inherently bad. Of course not. It provides structure and stability. But it ended up stifling my creativity and spontaneity. I think creativity is a form of spontaneity, right? I need to learn to not keep such a tight rein on my life -- because none of us can control everything that happens and we'll just make ourselves miserable if we attempt to be the puppeteer.

What. Am. I. Even. Saying. I am practically typing this in my sleep. Oh, sleep? What's that? I was up until at least 3am, fell asleep for an hour, woke back up and was pretty much awake for the rest of the night. Or rather, early morning. Whatever those secretive, silent hours are. A nap would make sense, yes, I agree. But when have I ever made sense? A shower would also help. Maybe I can even work up the courage to wash my hair, shave my legs, be a lady. Kidding. Ugh, gender roles! You know, man?! Or woman. Or gender fluid human being. All I know is that I am taking another day off from the gym. I guess a little movement would make me feel better, but not much. I will just walk around the living room and read, like I usually do. No need to push myself to conform to society's standard of beauty. I am ready to make "being healthy" my goal. And sometimes resting is the best thing one can do for one's health. That and eating an entire loaf of pumpkin bread.

Words escape me today, so instead I will end this post with the words of another, more coherent person. "You are a puppet, but in the hands of the infinite, which may be your own." -Antonio Porchia (I take back everything I said about not being a puppeteer. You ARE the puppeteer and you always have been! Right on, babes.)