improve

What luck! Two nice days in a row? I'm talking about the weather, not necessarily my emotional state. Nice weather, mostly nice mood. I have my moments when I'm a brat, but don't we all. Not a question, it's a fact. For example, this morning I got super irritated (and visibly so) that this chick got on the treadmill right next to mine despite the fact that there were at least 30 empty treadmills she could have chosen from. Hold on. Let's examine this. First of all, who cares if she's next to me? She didn't stink or appear to be a visible brat like myself. Second, it's a dumb treadmill in a dumb gym and I shouldn't have even been there. I should have been doing yoga poses on top of an arch down in southern Utah or something. And then there are just a million other reasons why this whole scenario is stupid. In short, I wish I would have been kinder. I wish little things like this didn't "get my goat." So many little things get my goat lately. I think it might have something to do with adjusting to life back down in Utah County. That and not getting enough sleep. Same old same old.

Get my goat. Man. What a phrase. Goats, by the way, are sure to be a part of my future; or rather, my ideal future. Yes, I'm that obnoxious white chick who wants chicks (chickens!) and goats and yoga poses on arches. Yes, I want the farmers' markets and Patagonia jackets and rescued Golden Retrievers. Yes, I want overalls. Yes, I want a kale smoothie in the morning. Yes, I want to go glamping (but only once to see how it is -- otherwise, give me a tarp and the stars).

I need to begin nurturing that obnoxious hippie side of me again. I would rather be an obnoxious flower child than a irritated monster on a conveyor belt. How exactly do I nurture that side of me? I see the end picture, but I don't take the steps to get there. Head in the clouds? You bet. But it's time to get to work. I guess it starts with getting more sleep and leading a healthier lifestyle. No more seeing how long I can go without food. No more seeing how long I can run on that blasted conveyor belt. No more pushing myself in destructive ways. More patience. More sitting down and doing nothing. More acceptance. More overalls.

I hope this determination lasts. I hope I give myself a chance.