Thursday, February 18, 2016


No tea for me this morning. I've spilled it one too many times (once). I will just chew on these ice cubes and regret it immediately. Speaking of regretting things immediately, I agreed to babysit on Saturday. I actually don't regret it. I think I would regret it if I didn't accept the job. It's only three hours and THEY PAY EXTREMELY WELL. The only issue I have is that it will take up a chunk of my day since it is in Salt Lake and, you know, factor in driving time or whatever. And, overall, it will only be about five hours total. But I am such a stick-to-my-schedule-to-the-second kind of person... which is exactly why the whole topsy-turviness of Saturday will ultimately be good for me. There's only so long I can take up residence in my head and the world I've created. Eventually I'm going to have to step outside.

But enough about that. Babysitting is two days away and yet I have been fretting about it for the past hour or so. Meghan! Enjoy your morning! And your day! And remind yourself that you don't really have anything to worry about. I have this wonderful habit of finding something -- anything -- to worry about. I wonder if it's simply a way to keep me occupied, to keep me awake without the assistance of caffeine? Did it bother you that I ended a couple of sentences with "about"? Brush off the worries, brush my teeth, start the day, it'll be okay. Hey. That's not a bad mantra. It's not a great mantra, but it's not awful.

Two paragraphs dedicated to anxiety and babysitting. Seems about right. What else do I have to talk about? There I go again! About! About! About! I could talk about the weather (no), the book I'm reading (no one cares), babysitting (no one cares, yet you still discussed it), my ex (kidding! kidding!), nature (we know we know, you dig nature), or politics (oh yes PLEASE). I think I'll just refill the ice cube tray and call it a day.

Oh wait, it's only 10:09 in the morning. Too soon to call it a day. I think the downside to having a lot of free time is showing. I have too much time to think -- and to think that I am not thinking enough and to wonder why I'm not thinking enough and to worry about this and to worry about that and to think that I am stuck and to think of a way to get unstuck without actually attempting to get unstuck. And then I think, "Gee, I should use this ample amount of time to do something productive." And then I think, "Did I use the word 'ample' correctly? And how exactly do I define 'productive'?" You see the problem? If you see the problem, let me know. I can't tell if time is the problem or thought is the problem or thinking that there is a problem is a problem. What I would really benefit from is a nice meal and probably a part-time job. So. There you go.

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