One day closer to babysitting. I want it to come and go so I can be done with it and $60 richer. (I love the kids, by the way. They are maybe the cutest children I have ever seen? Like, they belong in movies and/or Gap ads.) I also want to not be babysitting at almost-32-years-old. I feel like a teenager in most areas of my life. I don't have to go over the long list of why I feel this way, I just do. Kinda bums me out. No, it actually really bums me out. I feel like my life hasn't started yet, but here I am at "early middle age."
Well, it doesn't have to be this way. I have waited for too long to have someone tell me the how what why when where and who. I have waited for someone to give me directions on how to live a life. It's crucial for me to not wait any longer. It's important for me to realize that the only person who has the power to give me directions is myself. And it's not "a life," but rather my life.
At the risk of sounding cliche, I will say that taking responsibility for one's life requires courage. And a lot of it. It requires a handful of leap-before-you-look moments, somewhat calculated risks, dumb mistakes, quiet successes. It isn't easy, but it shouldn't be. It is, above all, empowering. And there are great views as well.
I have a lot of thinking to do. Obviously. But the kind of directed, purposeful thinking -- no more of these unnecessary worries that take up every square inch of my brain. Those trivial matters only distract me and zap up energy. I gotta change my perspective on many things. Geeeez -- looks like somebody (ME) needs to go to Peru and drink some ayahuasca tea. Heaven help me if I spill that tea all over my desk while typing.
I'm going outside. I'm going outside to drink my non-ayahuasca tea and read my book. For a few minutes. And then I will run and think and try to put the pieces of my life together. And even if I don't get a full picture, not today or tomorrow, I will still be examining the pieces instead of sweeping them under the rug.
Cliches abound in this post. I hope you've enjoyed them.
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