Friday, April 3, 2015


I've been reading Lena Dunham's book Not That Kind of Girl, and now all I want to do is be incredibly open and frank about my sex life. BUT FOR SO MANY REASONS (like, two) I WON'T. Not here, people. But maybe here? Maybe sometime in the future when Her Fog and Pearls slowly slips into something more comfortable.

Comfortable. That is one word to describe how I've (almost) never been in a relationship. That could be a positive thing if you are super into bending the unbendable. "It's good to not get too comfortable! Keep the excitement alive!" No, being comfortable is not the opposite of excitement, brain. Being comfortable is the ultimate goal, I do believe. I also believe I do not want to discuss romantic relationships on my blog. For the time being. Time being comfortable. I am in a healthy adult relationship with time. Or thyme. HEY! Light bulb moment! I WILL be in a relationship with thyme! I will become a crone at the age of 31. (Note: I am going to get a head start and call myself 31 because why not, close enough. Plus, I like that 3 plus 1 equals 4 and hello, I am a little bit autistic.) I will collect herbs and brooms and cauldrons. I will not, however, collect any eyes of any newts. (Oh! Upon further research, it turns out "eye of newt" is simply a name for an herb. My my! I must become far more familiar with my new collection/obsession.)

Let's recap what I've discussed so far: I will not grace the World Wide Web with tales of sexy times for the time being. Thyme is my significant other. I need a cauldron. I need a comfortable cauldron.

I need a nap.

Naps! This is what adults like to discuss, second only to the weather. Weather, lack of sleep, road construction. Taxes, bills, eyes of newts, apple pie, water supply, Air Supply, paper supplies, pliers, liars and cheats, cheating on diets, Pussy Riot, and how poor the lighting is in dressing rooms.

But yeah, I probably do need a nap. ALREADY?! Yes. I also need more road construction, bills, and pliers. For reals, I need more Pussy Riot and more, uh, pussy and riots. (Look up Pussy Riot, mama! They are terrific! Don't worry about me, okay? Love you! Love Russian feminist punk rock protest groups as well!)

There isn't much more for me to say in this post that fizzled out before it began. I do enjoy looking for stupid pictures to add to my lovably stupid words, though. So why not do something I enjoy for once in my goshdamn life? See ya soon, QTs. Well, not actually see. I see very few of you in real life. But don't think I don't think about you 23/6! (2+3+6=11 and then 1+1=2 and 2 is oftentimes the loneliest number.)

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