ease up

Just sitting down in my New York City office about to type up an article/report/grant/best-selling teen zombie novel. Yep! Just a career woman at 30, payin' the bills and wearin' designer duds. Gotta go get lunch with a colleague. Think we'll try that new sushi place in Midtown. Instead of using seaweed, they use bacon. It's really quite innovative and marvelous and over 50 dollars a roll. But I just roll with it because I make a lot of money and don't even look at prices anymore. I mean, unless it's for my child's preschool. I want my child to be in the most elite private preschool in the city. Oh, I don't actually have a child yet, but I will soon because I'd like to walk the tree-lined streets of the West Village with some dorky kid of mine while I snap some photos for my lifestyle blog. I need a child in the picture to make it perfect, you know? So that's why I'll procreate. Well, I'll have a surrogate. No way am I going to ruin this gym-made bod.

Okay, so I am actually sitting in my mom's condo in Orem, Utah drinking yesterday's coffee and a flat Fresca. I am glad I don't live the above life, although I would be okay writing a teen zombie novel and payin' the bills. But bacon-wrapped sushi and a lifestyle blog? No thanks. I'll stick with my tortilla-wrapped frozen burritos and monkey mind sometimes-overly-dramatic blog. I yam what I yam. And I yam going on 31 with not much to show for it except for A LIFETIME OF EXPERIENCES. I gave myself a hard time last night -- It's far too easy to fall into the trap of "oh woe! I have let life pass me by! all of my friends and family are so accomplished and, like, normal, functioning humans." That is a trap I fall into at least 476 times a day -- AND that's on a good day.

BUT THERE IS HOPE. I am beginning to ease up on myself. I really am! My heart feels lighter and my head feels clearer. And blessed be the lord on high, my fingers feel less tingly! I'm arising from some deep sleep, I do believe. My my, did some prince kiss me or somethin'? Nah. I woke myself up, thank you very much. And for that I am damn proud. I deserve a very long pat on the back. Maybe I can even lift myself up on my own shoulders! Hip hip hooray! Three cheers! This Bud's for you! Where's the beef? I'm lovin' it! The cold, crisp taste of Coke! Have it your way! Life is a highway! Life is a banana ready to be peeled.

Go out there and live your life. Don't compare your progress with anyone else's. Don't compare in general. Just keep drinking that flat Fresca with confidence. You are just fine. I promise. I like Shunryu Suzuki's quote, with which I shall end this post: "Each of you is perfect the way you are ... and you can use a little improvement."