Sunday, April 12, 2015

So the Buddha walked into a yurt...

I missed all of you sweethearts/idiots/jokers/idiotic sweetheartish jokers! Look, I say all four of those things with a lot of love. I say a lot of things with a lot of love. And a lot of fear, sure! But lately it's been all sick and disgusting love emanating from me. A bunch of gooey, groovy vibes. I'm bound to be insufferable to the more existential among us. That's okay. Hello! I am back!

I am back from my weekend in a yurt. So the environment where the yurt was located was less than ideal... Although I realize anywhere can be heaven and blah blah blah. Not true! (But maybe true.) (But not true in the case of seriously horrific places like concentration camps.) Anyway, the yurts were in East Canyon State Park, which is basically just a reservoir for boaters who love beer and bad country music and honking at hippie girls walking by the side of the road trying to read Tom Robbins and The Dhammapada in peace. So that was "heaven" in a nutshell. Doesn't matter! I got to experience for a day and a half what living in a yurt would be like. And I liked it! Almost too much. I liked it so much that I am severely bummed out that I am not currently cooped up inside of a portable, round tent covered with skins. There is something ancient and holy (holy) (holy) about being in a circle. Mark my words, sweetheart idiot dreamboats, I WILL make a yurt my home in the future.

This future yurt of mine must have a designated meditation area, by the way. I hate when people say they had an epiphany because they usually didn't, but I had an epiphany yesterday evening that in order to kick ED's bony butt, I have to replace my exercise obsession with another obsession, one that won't cause me to blackout on a treadmill. SO! So I was thinking about diving buttfirst into Buddhism. Again. Okay okay okay, I know obsessions in general should be avoided. Middle path, you say! And okay okay okay, I know that desire leads to suffering. The Second Noble Truth, you say! You say a lot of things. And a lot of the things you say are very true. But I am going to ignore that right now and still get super obsessed with Buddhism again. It is much healthier for me than killing my knees and myself on a conveyor belt inside of a prison gym. Get ready for your next dalai lama! ME. I look great in red and gold robes, so, like, this all works out.

A lot of other things happened this weekend that I wish to share with you amazing and brilliant and not-at-all-idiotic souls, but it will have to wait because I am off to MINDFULLY make myself a very goshdamn f***ing (you are welcome, mama!) delicious dinner. And I will MINDFULLY eat this meal while MINDFULLY watching Ancient Aliens. Hey, I'm trying! Buddha's yurt wasn't built in a day, okay?

I love you. I love you I love you I love you, even if I'm scared of or intimidated by you. Maybe one day we'll be reincarnated as lovers! Or maybe one day I'll be reincarnated as your GRANDMOTHER. That would be a real trip, man.


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