Sunday, April 26, 2015


Because I am an absolute genius/idiot, I am drinking some concoction called "Bang," which comes in a can telling me to NOT DRINK THIS if I am under 18. Well, I am far beyond the age of 18, so I think I am safe with Bang. I am not, however, safe with scissors because I usually make the mistake of cutting bangs and then for the next six months I am complaining about bangs and buying bobby pins at Big Lots. Anyway, I mostly purchased this Bang drink because I thought it was called Bong. AND HOW HILARIOUS WOULD THAT BE TO DRINK A DRINK CALLED BONG?! Imagine if it was just canned bong water. Heeey...!!! No stealing my idea, promise?!

Bang might be cocaine. I took a gulp of it and instantaneously my leg began shaking and I wanted to go clubbing. Bang might have been a bad idea. But what was the real bad idea was becoming an adult. All bad things happen after the age of 18, apparently.

Good morning! What are you up to this morning? Do you think you will allow your mind to wander as well as your feet? Or will you stay put in a pew and bow before a bishop? Will you eat some eggs and toast or will you opt for the more traditional leftover Subway sandwich smothered in wasabi paste? Will you take a walk in the park with the worms who have emerged after last night's rain? Well, I'll tell ya what, kiddo -- there's going to be rain again today, so forget last night. Prepare for today. Go out and get yourself an umbrella hat.

The combination of emerald and gray makes THIS BANG GIRL so so so pleased. The overcast sky, the slight chill in the air, the raindrops lingering on leaves -- IT IS MY DREAM COME TRUE. I am about 88.3333333...% certain I "belong" in the Northwest. Something about being outside yet still being enclosed, whether it's under the giant trees or almost-permanent clouds, is comforting. It is a natural Xanax, one might say, but without the zombie-like side effects. In fact, this natural environment doesn't turn me into the undead. Hardly. It wakes up each one of my senses and even some I did't know I possessed. I hope they sell Bang in Portland! I hope they are not in short supply of wasabi paste as well!

Guys. Bong water IN A CAN.

Anyway, I think I want to read. Kidding, I want to eat some grits. I guess you can read and eat grits at the same time, right? I know that maybe you shouldn't because it's pretty awesome to be fully present with one's food (or one's anything, really), but sometimes I just have to ignore the Buddhist side of me and do everything wrong. You can't learn if you don't make mistakes! Now off to microwave my book and read a 100 pages of grits. Wish me luck!

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