Hey! Hi. Hello. About last night...
It's safe to say that I went through a bit of a manic phase yesterday. I am not sure I can classify it as "manic," but it was close. Unnerving how one day can be so full of hope, the next overflowing with despair. "Despair" may be too strong of a word. I've definitely been in worse states than yesterday (like Kentucky! joke.), but whatever. Point is, yesterday, specifically after eating what might be considered to most a "very light lunch," was difficult.
Today will be different, due to the fact that it IS different. I mean, I'm not in Groundhog's Day or anything. Am I? Sometimes I wonder if I am living a Truman Show-like life. I've never seen the movie, but I get the gist of it. Are you all actors pretending to be my friends? Am I on television right now? If so, then I hope the American public enjoys watching me wander around the house in circles while wearing a news reporter's and neon green down jacket. Oh, and I have red tights on for no reason other than they were there in my closet. There are a lot of skeletons and ill-fitting clothing from Forever 21 in my closet right now if you'd like a closer look, American public. Go on. Go right ahead, you voyeuristic society, you.
Today I will read. I will immerse myself in whatever has letters which form words which form sentences which form paragraphs which form chapters which form books. I will read and sit outside and probably force myself to eat a banana and some pistachios and then go running. I will run and run and run and try to run away or towards something, I'm not sure which.
Let me be okay today, okay? "Just" being okay isn't settling for me; it's an improvement. May the words I dive into today become a balm. May some of those words be my own. It is time I begin owning my own life. It is entirely within my power to heal myself.
Now go turn off your TV. I don't want you to watch me shave my pits and pop a zit. Look, I can't share everything with you.