Tuesday, February 3, 2015

moon swings

Yesterday, from the second I opened my haunting hazel eyes to the second I closed my glorious green eyes (they change colors), I was a basketcase. A total nutso. A freak on a metaphorical leash. But definitely a literal freak. I was irritated by eeeeeeeverything and everyone and I kinda sorta hate it a lot that I was that way. And today? Today I am, like, totes chill. Totally chilled and ready to just love everyone and everything, even the idiots who block the aisles with their shopping carts and idiot children. Not that I plan on going to the grocery store tonight, but if I was I would be totally chill and mellow and... Okay, probably not. I'd probably start panicking by the time I got to the avocados, which is at the top of my list. Hey, I'm human! We can't be chill all the time! But we can purchase avocados and then throw them from our car window at that idiot who blocked the aisle. (Note: I have never done this because I would never want to waste a perfectly good avocado. But I came THIS close to doing something similar yesterday during Hurricane Meghan.)

What's up with the mood swings? Is it something to do with the moon or some planet in retrograde? What does retrograde even mean? Does the moon give us amorous ideas? And why haven't I gotten my period yet? Hey, I'm frank on this blog (and Meg on the streets ha ha ha). If I still had a period, I could "blame" my mood swings on PMS. Can I still get PMS symptoms without a period? Oh wait. This isn't Google. Why am I asking so many questions? Questioning questions. Quite qunfused. <--- That was me trying to spell "confused" in a clever way. Missed the mark.

A part of me wonders... Crap... Am I bipolar? No, really. Am I? No more questions! Sorry! I wonder "what" I am more often than is probably healthy. One week I'm diabetic. The next week I'm bipolar. In a few weeks I may even think I'm pregnant, but then realize NOPE! No period and also no human contact whatsoever. Immaculate conception? Who knows. What I think I am, however, is simply tired.

I wish I could sleep. I wish I would let myself take naps. I wish I would let myself sleep in just, you know, once in my life. I wish my doctor wouldn't be so crappy and would help me figure out why in the crap I can't go a single night without getting up at least 6 times to use the bathroom. A good night is when I only get up three times and get five hours of sleep. That sucks. I've said "sleep" a lot in this paragraph, but at least I didn't ask any questions!

So the mood swings might have something to do with the lack of sleep. Sure. I still think there's more to it, though. Want to diagnose me? I welcome all diagnoses. I may not believe them, but I welcome them. I welcome a lot of things I don't truly believe. I guess it's just because I am so chill. Don't catch me on a bad day, though. I will yell, "Screw your diagnosis!" from the safety of my Ford Focus as I hurl a perfectly unripe avocado at your lovely head. I apologize in advance. I hope it doesn't leave a bump.

There are bumps in the road. I will be okay. I just have to keep on driving. With the windows rolled up. And both hands on the wheel. And calming classical music on the radio. And an avocado sitting next to me, being a perfectly delicious passenger. What a long, quiet highway.

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