luminous

Look, I know I should not enjoy the record-breaking February temperatures. I know I should see warm winter days as proof of the terrible drought we will inevitably suffer through in the summer months. I know the planet is either going to burn up or freeze over. But even with the knowledge of these sad trombone things, I still can't help indulging in the sunny weather. C'mon! Spring fever! I also trick myself into pretending like it's June. That helps me quiet out the rational, concerned voice in my head. I trick myself into pretending a lot of things. It's kinda what I do! It's my talent! It will surely go on my revised resume! Oh, note to self: Work on resume. Like, actually start working on it. It's been on your to do list ever since you accidentally graduated from college nearly five years ago. FIVE YEARS. For the love of all things holy, such as this weather. This weather is divine. Have I mentioned that yet? Holy holy hole in the ozone layer. Strip off your layers! It's February and it's time to break out those shorts! Knee shorts, though, because this is Utah. Is this Utah? Or is this heaven?

Ah! Beautiful sunset! You know, I could slip outside for the millionth time and view the sunset for the millionth time, but I am about 1,000,000% content sitting down in front of this computer. I have mentioned this a million times, but I am exhausted. I go go go all day long and forget to be a "normal" person who sits down and eats and shoots the shit with other humans and just, as the normals say, "vegges out." It would be nice to be normal. Hell, I'll even go so far as to say it would be literally lifesaving to be normal. I can only starve myself for so long, you know? I can only isolate and retreat and deny until I'm all dried up.

Speaking of drying up, this sun and actual heat makes me remember how much I thrive in hot climates. Yes, the Northwest will always beckon me and if I had my way I'd probably move there at the drop of two hats (not one, but two -- I'm not THAT impulsive), but I do believe my soul will always be a desert soul. I will always find strength in the stretches of red sand. I will stand bare and vulnerable under skies big and vulture-full. I will dare the scavengers to come pick at my bones after I am long gone. I will be here, I will be humble, I will be thankful. I will thrive with the night and be reborn with the morning light. Alone. But surrounded by silence and the deep, ancient hum of the earth.

So yeah. Nice

day.