attempt

Way way way back in the day when I was a long-haired neo-hippie high school student, I took a little test commonly referred to as the ACT. It stands for "Awesome Crazy Test" or something entirely different. I can't really remember. But I do remember that my second highest score was in SCIENCE. And it was pretty high! And it was pretty odd that I received such a high score because I never really took many science classes... Yeah, Pleasant Grove High School isn't known for its academics per se. I think it's more known for teen pregnancy and dudes in JNCOs selling pills in the soccer field. I don't think we had a soccer field. But this is about science, not soccer.

Ah, my old friend Science. How I've missed you. I wish I wouldn't have listened to society telling me girls don't like science because then I would most definitely be a scientist at MIT right now. I would be in a sexy li'l white lab coat with my hair pulled up in a sexy li'l bun wearing sexy li'l bifocals while peering into a sexy li'l microscope at some sexy li'l bacteria. Science is sex, sex is science. But this is about my eating disorder, not sexy science.

How is this about my eating disorder? (How is anything these days NOT about my eating disorder?) Well, I decided today that I am going to be a scientist. I am going to experiment with living my life not serving ED. I am going to test the waters of "normal life." I am going to accept and enjoy and be grateful for food. I am not going to cancel plans in order to have enough time to go to the gym. I am not going to isolate myself. I am going to connect with other humans again. I am going to give myself time to rest. Maybe a lot of time. Time! Time! Time! Science! Science! Science! Tired! Tired! Tired!

See, I'm tired. As I should be. It's been a long week! I have no red blood cells! It's 6:15pm! It's okay to be tired. I, being the scientist that I am, have noticed that the li'l unsexy voice in my head has begun to berate me for being tired. It is tempting me to pump myself full of stimulants and to refuse food. Well, shut up, li'l voice. Let's see what happens if I ignore you and instead take care of myself. Who knows what will happen? My hypothesis is that I will not only survive, but I will thrive.