here

I am reminded over and over again that the majority of us fuel our lives on obsessions. On distractions. On one hobby or habit after another. And I could say, "That's okay! We're only human!" And I would be correct. And I could also say, "But wait. Maybe this fuel is unreliable and at times even corrosive. Maybe this fuel will only get us so far before it runs out and we run around bewildered like a chicken with its head cut off." Maybe. So what's the solution? I am still figuring that out. I could take the easy way out and say the answer lies in meditation and mindfulness and eating and praying and loving. Yes. All of those things. I wouldn't be wrong, by the way. But I want to find a new way to say these things we've heard over and over again. I want to find a freshness to what has become so terribly cliche.

I'll work on that. In the meantime, I will go to the grocery store. I will buy whole foods and even some un-whole foods. Holy and sinful foods. KIDDING about the word "sinful." Never ever describe a food as "sinful" or "guilt-free" around me (or anyone else for that matter). Food is food. Food is fuel. There's that word again -- fuel. Is food an obsession? You bet it is. Is food a distraction, a hobby, a habit? Yes, yes, and of course. I suppose it's all in how you approach food, how you use it to bring together people rather than divide and isolate. That could go for all of the other obsessions, distractions, and habits in our lives, right? Yeah. Okay. I'm on to something here.

So I am here. I've always been here. I've also always been trying to get away from here, to get to there, wherever there may be. This frame of mind is a trap, an absolute trap. Perhaps the biggest trap we keep falling into, time after time, despite how obvious and vast this trap is. Could I make it my "goal," my belated New Year's resolution to avoid this trap? Or rather, to see the trap, acknowledge it, and to then go in the other direction. My constant striving for something different, something better is a cause of anxiety and perpetual antsiness. And that "something different" and that "something better" are both purely fictional. They do not exist, or at least they do not exist to bring me any kind of contentment and calmness of mind. Again, it goes back to mindfulness. It always goes back to mindfulness. I am surrounded by so many reminders to be mindful that I may soon go out of my mind.

WELL! I was expecting this post to be much more lighthearted, but here we are. I may write something more wonky later today when I am feeling a little wonkier. OH I bet you can't wait.