Guess who was a little Meghan the Grouch yesterday? I'll give you 47 hints. Here we go. 1) Her name is Meghan. 2) She really loves avocados and sandwiches and burritos, but she is verrrrry picky about her burritos. Burritos have a tendency to either send her into an orgasmic stupor or to enrage her by their failure to impress. 3) Psych. I'm not going to give you 47 hints. You wish, bub(s). I'll just tell you. It was MEEEE!!! It was I who was the Grouch yesterday. Not even a grouch, really, but just a sad sack of a half-human, half-robot. I did snap at my mom a few times, which kills me. I'm sorry, mama! You didn't do one thing wrong. And the only thing I did wrong was allow my emotions to get the better of me. I also didn't eat for a long stretch of time, which is a big no no for me and anyone else who is a living creature. Totally okay for ghosts and toasters to fast, though.
Today, however, is a 180 from yesterday. I could try and figure out why, but I won't spend my energy on trying to solve that mystery. Instead I will use this non-grouchy attitude to take care of myself, to plan, to partake. How will I take care of myself? I will eat. I will sit. I will observe. I will pause. And I'll drink a shit ton of water. What will I plan? Let me get to that in a second. What will I partake of? LIFE, MAN. And also food. Because, surprise surprise, food gives me life. And luckily food can taste really, really good.
Planning. So. Deep breath. I have decided on a major life goal I'd like to accomplish. Want to hear it? No matter your answer, I am going to tell you anyway. I want to become self-sufficient and live off the grid. Simple as that. And also probably so, so complicated. So what! So what if it begins with me being bewildered and naive and totally in the dark about virtually everything related to self-sufficiency? You already know this, but it all begins with one seemingly tiny step. And then you take the next one and the next one... That's all. See? It is rather simple.
I tend to get discouraged when I do not see immediate results, when the goal I have in mind is not suddenly accomplished. Now now, Meghan, life does not work that way. I am learning just how essential patience and perseverance are. And, related, I am learning how to spell perseverance correctly. It's a bit of a tricky word, I won't lie!
Side note (but a particularly crucial and large side note): All of the energy and time I put into being a slave to an eating disorder will be channeled into accomplishing my goal. It takes a huge switch in perspective and a leap of faith and definitely a lot of hard work, but I can confidently say that I am up for the challenge. I am stronger and more determined than I realize.
Can I end this with a Marianne Williamson quote that we've probably all heard/read before? Sure. I can do whatever I want!
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be?"