Friday, March 18, 2016


In my dreamy, sleepy state this morning, I made up a song AS A JOKE with the lyrics, "Trump for President! Trump for President! Trump for President today!" And now, despite banging my head repeatedly against a wall (a wall to keep out the Mexicans), I have the damn damn damn song stuck in my head. And trust me, it is catchy. And I understand that most of my sentences begin with "and." Is that fact like nails on a chalkboard to you? Anyway, let me please change the lyrics to Meg for President. Meg for President Meg for President Meg for President TODAY! Imagine, if you will, that I become the leader of the free world. It really would be a free world. I would make sure everyone participates in daily drum circles while worshiping pagan gods and dancing in mud. There's not a chance any of us would be clothed, by the way. Naked for all! It's the law! I'm the President today! And tomorrow! And don't forget free healthcare, education, and paisley wraparound skirts for all! Not that I want you to wear that skirt, but it is my gift to you, the free American public.

I think today I will listen to world music. Some really trippy hippie shit. And I will listen to it in the park while having a full-on transcendent moment. Let the kids on razor scooters and the mamas with double strollers gape and contemplate calling the cops on me. But then they will catch my groovy vibes and become entranced by my glowing aura and we'll all get lost in the labyrinth of the sitar. Whoa! I spelled "labyrinth" correctly on the first try for the first time in my life. And that will probably be the last time I spell it correctly so effortlessly. It's a labyrinth of a word. The name Gwyneth is also hella tricky for me. Like, is it the y that trips me up? I'm sure it is. Life is a trip, man. Enjoy the ride. Pass the dutchie.

So anyway. Here's the thing. I am going to the grocery store after I shower and check Twitter and hopefully remember to brush my teeth and take my vitamins like a good girl (WOMYN) and ramble on to my mom about random things like string quartets or the year 1914. I am going to the grocery store and I will be at the grocery store. Really be there. Not be in a rush, not be anxious because I know that the sun is outside waiting waiting waiting for me. Not be 100% annoyed with the sedated woman who is blocking every single aisle I wish to go down (I'll just be 87% annoyed, but that is an improvement!). I will be chilllllled because, as President, I have to make sure I set at least a decent example for my fellow citizens. Plus, it'll make life cooler. Easier. Way more rad. And I am all about way more rad things these days.

Peace out, bongo heads.

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