unwrap

Merry Christmas to all you Christians out there! To everyone else? GET LOST. (And then get found, found in a stable smokin' some myrrh with wise men and donkeys -- in other words, a bunch of asses.)

As much as holidays stress me out, I am determined to enjoy today. Today will be the day I make my mind happy and my body even happier. Today I will rest. I am allowed one day out of 365 days to rest, right? No obsessively walking or running, Meg. Or jumping rope. Yeah, you heard me. I jump rope when no other options are available to me. Don't even think about pumping iron! Just consume iron. Eat a spinach salad out of a cast iron dutch oven or something. Just make sure that you do it sitting down, savoring whatever is happening in the moment, paying attention for once.

I preach these words. I believe in them as well. So why is it such a struggle for me to live them? Why do I find myself over and over again falling back into the same destructive patterns, the same obsessive thoughts and compulsive actions? The outcome is always the same: dead end. If I paid more attention, I would realize these well-trodden paths never lead to where I want to go. Maybe my whole journey is to simply figure out where it is I want to go. It's clear, however, that the current roads I'm taking only serve to show me what I don't want.

I guess I'll only be resting my body today. My mind is wrestling with crucial questions and wandering around a labyrinth of options, of possibilities to consider, possibilities that demand I begin paying attention.

Why didn't Santa just leave the answers neatly wrapped under the tree? Maybe he did. He's just good at hiding presents and it's up to me to find these gifts. Challenge accepted, big guy.