Sunday, December 27, 2015


Answer as truthfully as possible and, if possible, in riddles: Would you rather be locked out of your house or inside of your house?

Virginia Woolf said something similar and in a much better way. That's the thing with superb writers -- they'll always say it better and make us want to give up, but strangely enough we'll try harder.

Do we try harder to open the door from the outside or the inside?

And Virginia also said, "You cannot find peace by avoiding life."

And Meghan said in response, "Bingo, you bitch. Bingo."

Avoidance has been a theme of mine for quite some time, has it not? It has. It is a constant in my life, maybe the only constant. I can't rely on jobs, on paychecks, on lovers, on some friends, on neighbors, on community, or even on words. But I can, no doubt, rely on avoidance. I can avoid until I forget, or at least avoid enough for my little heart to stop beating and in order to sit down and stop pacing.

What I avoid, however, has a funny way of coming back. And it comes back stronger and more determined to teach me what I must learn.

So start learning.

Be a student again. An observer, a scholar, a skeptic. Be receptive. Be a sponge and a mirror at the same time. Magnify, miniaturize. Contradict yourself. Include yourself. Include yourself. You have important, fearless ideas and words to contribute. Be a student again. Contribute.

I'd rather be locked out of my house.

No comments: