Thursday, December 31, 2015

31,536,000 seconds, the second part

Am I ready to begin the second part of my examination of 2015? I better be because my last post left me rapidly trying to swim out of a pool of despair. NOT REALLY. But a little. I can't help it! I'm prone to getting caught up in pools of despair!

For all of its shortcomings and freakout moments, this year had more than a handful of pleasant surprises, smiles, and triumphs. "Pleasant Surprises, Smiles, and Triumphs: One Girl's Noble Attempt at Optimism."

Golden 2015:

*I recovered. Well, I began to recover. I am still recovering and probably always will be -- I, of course, mean this in an optimistic way. Or rather, a realistic way. I do not know if one can ever fully 100% recover from any mental illness, but they find ways to cope. They find mechanisms that work. They find a support system, hobbies, tools, mantras, words, different perspectives, spirituality, and, ultimately, peace. I am still working on finding these things, on using them to combat darkness, on avoiding what is self-destructive. I struggle, daily, but the important thing is that I am trying. As trite as that sounds, it is the truth. I am proud of my progress. I am proud of my resiliency.

*Speaking of resiliency, I recovered quickly from various disappointments this year and in mostly healthy ways. I won't go into too much detail, but many of the disappointments had to do with vacations and failed plans and sleeping in a motel next to a strip club.

*Not to get too Hallmark card-ish (or would that just be "Hallmark-ish"?), but I believe I "touched the lives" of at least a few children. Sure, they may not remember me as they get older (they won't), but they remembered me this year. And they loved me! Mostly because I listened to them. I'm naturally drawn to the outcasts and the weirdos and the nerds, so they probably appreciated somebody paying them a little bit of attention and not being judgmental. At least this is my hope. A really big hope.

*I moved to Salt Lake and lived on my own for kind of the first time and it wasn't a total disaster. It was a little disastrous here and there, but duh. That's to be expected with any move and any big change. Plus, I'm not wonderful with handling changes, so I give myself a big pat on the back for handling this significant change with a tiny bit of grace and a lot of courage.

*Along with moving to Salt Lake, I found a job. Two, in fact. I came to SLC with no job, just an outdated resume and some iffy "professional" references. With persistence and a hint of desperation, I became employed within the month. And they were (and still are, at least one of them) fairly decent jobs! That I don't 100% hate! Most importantly, they pay the rent and prove that I can actually "make it" on my own. Cue The Mary Tyler Moore Show theme song. Quick, hand me a beret.

Fortunately enough, there are more pleasant surprises, smiles, and triumphs that I had in this the year of our Lord and Savior. But I am done discussing them for now. The elusive sun is calling my name. Will a beret be warm enough for my venture outside? There's only one way to find out.

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