The post settings on Blogger are daunting. Labels. Schedule. Permalink. Location. Options. All of these indicate I must make decisions, I must be alert, I must follow through, I must be at some specific place at some specific time. It's all mapped out and I am already exhausted.
But what if I throw away the maps? What if I refuse to let maps set the stage of my life? What if I refuse to even walk on the stage? It's not like I have any lines anyway. I could skip the play and indulge in some play instead. The worst that could happen is the show doesn't go on and we all miss out on an encore. Encores only serve the ego anyway. The "I" with which I identify will miss the accolades, but everything else that makes up me will finally be free.
Sometimes I think I just say these things to make myself feel better. Funny, isn't it? I nod along with the idea of destroying the ego simply because being a person who nods along with such things gives me an identity, makes me -- the I -- feel important and included. It's a game and I want to be a key player, even if I say I won't participate. It's as if I am reciting lines I memorized in another lifetime.
It's dark outside now. I spent the day exposing myself to as much sunlight as possible. It wasn't an easy challenge, seeing as today is the shortest day of the year. What will I do when I have no more challenges, no more games to win? What will I do when I can't see the I outside? I, or whatever makes up the I, will be forced to explore inside.