remain

Sometimes I think it would be best if I made my blog private. Or maybe I just need to keep a private journal and use this blog for, you know, well-written pieces. I keep going back to theme -- my blog needs a theme (no, it doesn't). I love the word "blog" (no, I don't). This approaching storm is driving me bonkers (yes, it is). You see? I'm all over the place when I write my posts. Why do I think anyone else would want to read these disjointed thoughts? It might be the height of ego. But most likely it's just being unaware. I write these posts because it feels good to type. The release of these thoughts also feels good. To see my words on a screen feels good. To sum it up, I am a dedicated seeker to anything which feels good.

Maybe it's time I rely less on the whole feeling thing and focus more on my other senses. Look around, take in the sounds, smell the page. I could even go so far as the chew on a few words, letting the dot from the i and the cross from the t get stuck in my teeth. "Excuse me, but there's something in your teeth." "Oh, it must be the 'it' I had for lunch. It was a light lunch because I had a big breakfast of 'itty bitty titties.'" I allow the pieces of words to remain, however, because I have run out of floss.

Then again, sometimes I think, "Who cares what I blog about? Who cares if not every post offers a life-changing lesson? Who cares if I embarrass myself on occasion and raise some serious doubts about my life as a writer? I've been reading about space and black holes and atoms and particles and waves and the Big Bang and let me tell you what -- my blog isn't even matter, so does it even matter? In the grand scheme of things, my blog has been a way to pass the time while simultaneously revealing myself to myself. Nothing more, nothing less. Let it go."

I will keep writing. I will worry less about what I write because the most important thing is that I continue to write. I have the right to write, I do not need to purposely leave anything out. At least not yet. Let my words out and then later I can figure out what to do with the leftovers.

To be honest, I'm not sure if I am talking about my blog anymore. I don't think I am. I am talking about something larger, something beyond this corner of the Internet. Something which is larger than a breadbox, but smaller than the universe. Something in between, something which I have yet to define.