grey

Is January trying to kill anyone else? It is sure having its sadistic fun with me. There are a few things that keep me alive during these grey days, however. And they are:

*Knowing that I will be moving out of my cave in less than two weeks.
*Dinner. I love dinner. So much.
*The Internet, specifically Tumblr and Twitter and websites about abandoned places. Great time killer.
*Cafes, coffee, bookstores, bundled up walks.

That's about it. The days are rough.

It has been extra rough this winter. I feel entirely out of place. I live in an area where everyone is wealthy and seemingly content with their families and dogs and frequent vacations to Mexico and Disneyland. I live in a house where the I avoid the people upstairs and they avoid me. I work somewhere where I feel undervalued, despite trying my very very hardest and actually doing a fairly good job. Maybe I am valued, maybe I am just paranoid. Everything since September has been a bummer. Not EVERYTHING. The park by my place has been a refuge. I've enjoyed being able to see my father frequently. More liberal minded folk? Yes, please. But that's about it. I'm sad.

I am sad, but I am hopeful. I am making the necessary changes to dig myself out of this depression. The changes have been absolutely not a breeze, but isn't that pretty much the definition of change? "Not easy, but necessary." Things, people, places -- they all change eventually because nothing can remain stagnant, not even one's mood, not even the grey days.