Tuesday, January 26, 2016


I slept in until 9:44 this morning. THAT'S ALMOST 10:00. Like, 16 minutes away. (I pride myself in my math skills.) I still feel a tinge of guilt for sleeping in so late. Some of you night owls will be rolling your large, owl-ish eyes at me for thinking that 9:44am is "late." But when you have been getting up at 6am for the past several months, anything past sunrise is late. Sure, my body probably needed it, especially after watching four exhausting episodes of Dateline at midnight. Smart idea? The real question is, do I do anything that's not smart? I went to bed assuming that a masked stranger would break into my room, kidnap me, drive me out to Florida, force me to rob a bank, and then bury my body in a swamp. Surprisingly I had mild dreams.

So it looks like I am still adjusting to being home. Makes sense. This is only my second full day here. I gotta allow myself to feel weird, to not know exactly what to do, to regret leaving behind certain people/places/things. I don't really need to keep writing about my move or how I feel that I ultimately made the "right" choice, but ultimately I feel like I made the right choice. Let's just leave it at that. Let's just answer some unimportant questions I found on Tumblr. Okay.

1. Do you have siblings?
You bet your ass I do. Well, sibling. I have one sister, 8 years older than I. WHICH MEANS she will be FORTY YEARS OLD this year. I need to throw her a huge party for this life event, huh? Like, decorate a room with black balloons and black streamers and shit. Have a black cake that reads "OVER THE HILL AND OFF THE PILL," except I don't think she'll be off the pill. Anyway. I don't do parties. I know some really obnoxious people who do do parties, though. Do do. They do do throw parties for a living. Ugh. Imagine having that life.

2. How many kids do you want?
Actually, the idea of having children has kinda sorta regrettably been on my mind recently. Okay, not regrettably. It's important to think about these big life decisions. Sure, I physically cannot have a child right now (not because of the pill, but because of amenorrhea!!! hooooray!!! jk don't celebrate this!!!), but I could always adopt? Or marry some loser who already has children? Side note: I've been babysitting recently because I'm very poor. While I'm babysitting, I like to imagine that the kids are my kids and that the home is my home and that, yes, even the food is my food. For brief moments I will get that maternal instinct and feel like I have a "purpose." It feels... not necessarily nice, but a little refreshing. A little less self-involved. Kind of GROWN UP, if you will. But these moments do not last long. And that's a relief, to be honest. I don't know if having children is in my cards. I don't know what's in my cards. Do any of us? Speaking of cards, last night while in the middle of my third episode of Dateline, I considered a life as a card dealer in some dingy casino out in the middle of nowhere. At the very least it would make for an interesting few months and provide material for a short story. Why not.

OKAY, TIME FOR BREAKFAST. At noon. That's normal for a Tuesday, right?

Catch you kids later.

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