puppies and lamen and maniacs

Spike, you aren't doing your job! I don't have any desire to blog! What is going on!

Maybe I shouldn't FORCE the blog posts. Maybe the blog posts will just come to me, like in a dream or in the form of a fisherman. A fisherman? What am I talking about? And for about three seconds I thought they were called "fishmen." But I'm pretty sure "fishmen" are characters in some future badass M. Night Shama Llama movie. What's his name? M. Night Shaman Lamen? If Lamen and Lemuel were alive today, they would either be the coolest guys or the biggest dicks. I want to believe that they would be really cool and into air hockey. They are brothers, right? And what did they do? Cut off someone's head? I feel like the Spike just went straight to my head. Like, right now. RIGHT NOW. It's like 10,000 puppy bowls are happening in my brain this very second. And yes, I too was just reminded of 10,000 Maniacs. What a brilliant band name! Really.

The word "really" has been used only twice so far in this post. Really? That's maybe a new record for me, really.

Did you know "vocabulary" spelled backwards is "I don't give a shit"?

Guys, the PUPPY BOWL.

There's something missing in my life right now... And it's breakfast! Gotcha! You thought I was going to start talking about something serious and depressing, huh? Like, I was gonna get all existential on your nicely shaped ass. Nope. I mean, I COULD, but I won't. We always have shit missing in our lives, but we just keep rollin' with the punches. God. I just said "rollin' with the punches." Turns out THAT phrase was missing in my life. You know what's NOT missing in my life? My constant need to CAPITALIZE every OTHER word.

So anyway, time to eat. It's always, always time to eat. Don't forget!