beast of burden

I want to write more fiction (and by "fiction" I usually mean "non-fiction written in pretty language with perhaps a few details changed here and there"), but for right now I will write non-fiction (and by "non-fiction" I meant to say "incoherent ramblings fueled by two pots of coffee").

*Tonight Brian, the waiter at Village Inn, made fun of me for ordering so much food. And I was like, "Hey! Fuck you, Steven!" Oh, apparently his name is Steven. I keep thinking it's Brian, but then I remember a second later that it's actually Steven. Well, whatever. I still gave Brian a big tip because I'm really just so nice.

*By far the sexiest sex sex sex sexy sex song is "Beast of Burden" by Rolling Stones. Okay, so there are probably a dozen or so sexier songs (PROVE IT!), but holy sweet mary of buddha, that song can get me hot-n-bothered in 0.0001 seconds (then again, I've never been that good at math).

*ACTUALLY, I WAS CRAZY GOOD AT MATH WHEN I TOOK IT IN COLLEGE. I'm still quite proud of this fact. IT IS A FACT, YOU CRAZY FUCKBALLS! You aren't fuckballs. I am genuinely sorry I called you "fuckballs." Look, I'm trying to be more of a lady and curb my swearing, but not really. That was a lie. Still, I apologize if I offended any of you. I am really just so nice. I would totally give you a huge tip right now if we were in person (and if you were serving me food and/or coffee noooo no more coffee).

*Give me one good reason not to post this. ONE GOOD REASON.

*Now go turn down your lights and listen to "Beast of Burden." Ohhhh!!! What a sexy Wednesday night you are about to have!!!

(me encouraging you to have sexy time)