Saturday, February 18, 2012


You know what makes me really tired? Constant complaining, gloomy guses, awesome alliteration (I joke - I love it!), woe-is-me-the-world-is-awful-I-need-someone-to-complete-me-or-maybe-just-a-new-hairstyle-or-some-really-cool-jeans-or-a-shot-of-whiskey.

It makes me tired because, of course, I see myself doing all of these things. But I really really really want to stop being so negatively affected by everything. And I am very affected by the company I keep. I absorb. I sink into their skin without the other person even realizing it. I am like a demon! But not a demon. Just a human who observes the fuck out of other humans and can't help but be super influenced by their behaviors, choices, words, and so on and so forth and so I have decided to start being quieter, to start slowing down, to "disappear" for a bit and read books and write plays and go on walks by myself SANS PHONE. I need to cut waaay back on the chemicals that mess around with my brain chemicals. Balance, you're out there somewhere and I'll find you again.

And community. I'd like a community again. I long for a group that supports, encourages, inspires, uplifts.

Dear readers of this li'l blog, I know who you are and I admire you. You do not drag me down. You have helped me more than you realize.

And I realize the grass isn't always greener on the other side. Maybe it's not even grass over there. Maybe what I need is a hell of a lot of sand or dried desert mud. But what I'm getting at is that I'm going to start putting myself first. This may translate into being "boring" or "not around very often" or "kind of a prude," but, well, I'm okay with that. More than okay.


cassie said...

i get you/love you girl

Thirdmango said...

Disappearing has been a hard thing for me as I am an extreme extrovert, but I am at a point where most of my groups have all moved on to slc and I don't have the 10 dollars to drive up every day. I'm doing the senior in college life and so it's sorta nice because I sometimes do need the aloneness. Often if I find I'm getting too angry I will cut things out for a while, like if politics is makin' me rage then I'll stop paying attention for a couple weeks. If the internet is bugging me I'll stop using facebook or forget twitter exists, and if I just need some alone time I'll leave my phone at home all day. We often tend to forget that we did like life before cell phones and interconnectedness and sometimes it's okay to go back to that for periods of time.

jess smart smiley said...

I really feel for you. For whatever it's worth, I think you're great and deserve to be surrounded by greatness.

meg said...

YOU THREE MADE MY DAY. Thank you for your kind and thoughtful comments. I believe it is extremely beneficial for everyone to slow down and return to a life where we aren't so electronically connected. It's hard to do on days like today, though, when it's snowy outside and Sunday (NO WORK!) and I just had an Amp (so much for cutting out caffeine... for now). It's, like, all of this time and energy MUST go into tweeting about D-list celebrities, right? I joke. I need to go pick up a book right now.