burgers and pistols

Some people like sleep. OTHER people (me!!!) like waking up waaay earlier than necessary in order to drink a free Rockstar (thanks, rich people up in Sundance) and write the getting-really-old-and-tiring caffeinated blog posts before going to work. Yeah! Yeah! What did I just write? Let me reread it right now - No! If I reread it, I may never choose to write again. I joke. Writing seems to be the only thing I can do lately. Well, writing and making cat puppets. Did you know I made a cat puppet last night? Out of a paper bag? From the trash? Trash kitty. "Trash Kitty" sounds like some hipster clothing brand based out of LA. They would have a bunch of oversized and overpriced tank tops at this store and so many fuckin' leggings. And maybe even earrings that look like hamburgers or pistols. Trash Kitty: Where burgers are the new black. (But please don't eat any of the burgers because you have to fit into those $249 crushed velvet leggings, okay? Or eat the burger, but then go on a 7-day coke binge and hit up some LA nightclubs so you can dance away the 249 burger calories. Fuck you in the butthole, LA!!!)

Oh my hell.

What is in this ROCKSTAR?!

I think all of you just rolled your beautiful eyes, abruptly stopped reading this, and have gone outside to roll around in the beautiful snow. Right? I really hope so. I wouldn't be offended. Nothing offends me. THAT'S A LIE. There are definitely things that offend me, such as asswipe butthead jerkfaces that don't treat my sister the way she deserves to be treated. I also get offended when people make really mean jokes, especially when they are directed towards women and their bodies. But fuckin' swear words? Shit no. I am so so so sorry, mom! I really feel bad that I subject you to reading these filthy words! But the letters are just shapes and symbols and we assign the meaning to them.

Anyway, the snow is gorgeous. And so are burgers. Don't be afraid of either.