greener

You know what makes me really tired? Constant complaining, gloomy guses, awesome alliteration (I joke - I love it!), woe-is-me-the-world-is-awful-I-need-someone-to-complete-me-or-maybe-just-a-new-hairstyle-or-some-really-cool-jeans-or-a-shot-of-whiskey.

It makes me tired because, of course, I see myself doing all of these things. But I really really really want to stop being so negatively affected by everything. And I am very affected by the company I keep. I absorb. I sink into their skin without the other person even realizing it. I am like a demon! But not a demon. Just a human who observes the fuck out of other humans and can't help but be super influenced by their behaviors, choices, words, and so on and so forth and so I have decided to start being quieter, to start slowing down, to "disappear" for a bit and read books and write plays and go on walks by myself SANS PHONE. I need to cut waaay back on the chemicals that mess around with my brain chemicals. Balance, you're out there somewhere and I'll find you again.

And community. I'd like a community again. I long for a group that supports, encourages, inspires, uplifts.

Dear readers of this li'l blog, I know who you are and I admire you. You do not drag me down. You have helped me more than you realize.

And I realize the grass isn't always greener on the other side. Maybe it's not even grass over there. Maybe what I need is a hell of a lot of sand or dried desert mud. But what I'm getting at is that I'm going to start putting myself first. This may translate into being "boring" or "not around very often" or "kind of a prude," but, well, I'm okay with that. More than okay.