Thursday, June 25, 2015


I can't even imagine being 19. That age doesn't seem real. It does not exist, at least not in this new Universe. What is our Universe called? Milky Way? Hold on. That's our galaxy. And Universe probably shouldn't be capitalized. Should it? Should I shave my legs today? You can't even really tell my legs are hairy due to the fact that I have light blonde body hair. Except for in certain areas. My carpet, drapes, and AstroTurf are all delightfully mismatched. It keeps people guessing, not that anyone is around to do any guessing. But if they were, they would be guessing up a storm.

I have been cleaning out my room for the past century. Today I stumbled upon piles and piles of dust bunnies. It's laughable that I refer to them as bunnies because they were clearly elephants. The elephants were stampeding over my college diploma, shocking and sappy love letters, cringe worthy diaries, and empty pill bottles full of regretful decisions. I scooped up the debris from the wreckage of my past and tossed it all. Except for my diploma. I should hang on to that. But the rest of it! The rest of it can rest in peace. Not that I have made peace with all of my past, but I've made enough peace to move on. You just have to make a little piece of peace, not the whole cake. The cake can come later. Right now I will take what I can get.

I will start each paragraph with "I" because this is my blog.

I wish this was my vlog, which is a video blog for those of you not in the know. I would vlog tips on absolutely everything. Need to make a green smoothie to make you invincible, immortal, impossibly self-righteous? Watch my video! Need to throw a super cute baby shower for someone you secretly despise but keep around because they are your "ugly friend" and you look better when you are around them? Video! Need to feel bad about yourself? Watch my video on how I am expanding my family and my empire all with daddy's money! Pish posh. Whatever. Whatevs. The universe/Milky Way keeps turning.

Imagine being 19. Imagine no past. Imagine elephants in space, eating planets like peanuts. Imagine a time when you can eat the whole cake.


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