Friday, June 12, 2015


Do other, more "successful" writers make it a point to write everyday even when they feel they have nothing to say? I feel as though I have nothing to say. Well, at least nothing new. All of my posts lately seem to lead to the conclusion that "I am sad" or "I am angry" or "I don't know what the hell to do with my life." It's tiring. It's dull. It's the smallest pity party thrown over and over again with no guests, just me sitting alone in a corner with a cake I will not touch.

I know the correct response to depression is not "just snap out of it!" But... But sometimes I think I need to be told to just snap out of it. Or, more gently, just give yourself a break. If ever I become brave enough to give myself a break, the world might break open and I'll see how wide it is, how inviting it has always been.

But I don't see that. Yet. I am still stuck like a stick in the mud. And my anger had gotten worse. I've never been a terribly angry person. A scared person, sure. Maybe that's all my anger is. Fear with a mask. I believe fear wears a multitude of masks. I believe fear is the ultimate super glue.

So now that I have all of this "insight," how to I actually live it? How do I become unstuck and pull myself out of this funk? I feel motivated this morning to figure it out, to build up the strength, but by the afternoon all motivation has vanished and I am nothing but a wet noodle. An angry, pillow-punching wet noodle.

If you have absolutely any suggestions on how to not live in total fear 23/7 (there's always that one golden hour), I am absolutely and totally open to hearing it.

First step: Drop the story line.
Second step: Eat breakfast.

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