Friday, January 30, 2015


I am typing this in front of a window and there is a strange man standing directly outside of the window. And so begins my great horror novel! Or mystery! Or spy thriller! Or downright racy romance. Definitely a romance. Psych. But not psych about the strange man standing in front of me. He is wearing a blue and gray striped beanie. Grey. I like to spell it "grey" and I'm not sure why I decided this morning to spell it with an A. So be it. This strange man is only strange, as far as I know, because he is a stranger. I figure he is perfectly normal based off of the perfectly normal blue and grey striped beanie. But what if underneath this beanie is some kind of a compass or a pouch full of chicken bones? Maybe he is hiding some lost bible scrolls up there. I wouldn't be surprised. No, that's a lie. I would be the most surprised I have ever been in my life.

Oh yeah, right, so this dude is just the Direct TV dude. (Apparently it's "Direc TV." Thanks, Google. I would have looked like a damn fool without you.) And so concludes the mystery of the morning. Although he could still very well be stashing those scrolls up in his beanie. Anything is possible, even this. Especially this.

This morning started out rough. I wake up from a violent dream, sore and sorely lacking sleep, stub my toe, snap at my sweetheart mom because of stubbed toe and because I am a snot, wet my pajama bottoms kinda sorta (well! it's true! my bladder! has! issues!), lose my last contact, spill makeup all over myself, and then discover lost bible scrolls only to accidentally use them as kindling for a fire that got out of control and burned down Mr. Rochester's home. Just a little Jane Eyre reference for you on this Friday morning! You are welcome! I'll try to keep referencing gothic novels throughout my blog, I promise.

So although this morning kind of sucks (or sucked) balls, I vow to not let the rest of my day get to me. Unless I do happen to burn some bible scrolls, then fugg it all to hell. It will make my life and the lives of those around me muuuuuch more pleasant if I just... Stop acting like a victim. I've been on a kick lately where I tend to view everything as a problem or that the universe is against me. It's gotten to the point where I'm simply just bored of feeling sad. I know I need to make some other changes relating to my physical health, but I also desperately need to change my perspective. Just a slight shift would shine a light on my life and make everything so much brighter. That was the lamest thing I've said in a long time. Buuuut alllllsooooo truuuuue!

Okay, this perfectly normal bible scroll thief disguised as a Direc TV dude just took off his perfectly normal and probably fairly warm blue and grey striped beanie. Turns out he has a receding hairline and no scrolls... That I can see. But how would I know? I lost my last contact on this perfectly perfect and glorious and beautiful and dark and stormy morning. Mwah.

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