Wednesday, January 21, 2015


My eyes, hands, and feet hurt. And toes. One toe, maybe two. Two toes, all of my fingers, and my eyes, especially my right eye. My brain is always begging me to put my pajamas back on and crawl back into bed for a few more hours. My joints are just confused at this point. Then there are the split ends and cracked skin, brittle nails and bloody noses. Winter is the harshest season by far. Why has this winter been going on for years?

Hey, I'm not terribly morose, folks! Although that paragraph above sure makes it seem like I am. I'm just kinda physically worn out, which naturally takes its toll on other facets of my life. It seems easier and more rational to move to Canada than try to pay for my own health insurance here. Should I become a Canuck? Is the word "Canuck" derogatory? Do I like maple syrup? I do love Degrassi and canoes. And here is where I've told my first (and probably not last) lie of this post: I have never been in a canoe. But then again, can't I still love something without ever having experienced it? Let's get into a philosophical discussion on the nature of love, shall we? Experiencing the Canoe of Love: A Discussion with Dr. Meghan.

The solution to all of these ills might simply be to drink more water. That seems to be the answer to a lot of health-related questions. "Hey, Dr. Meghan, what do I do about this gout?" "Drink more water, Kim Jong-un!" "Dr. Meghan! Quick! I have stigmata!" "Here is a glass of water. Drink up, my child." "Dr. Meghan, I've never been on a canoe and it's causing me to fall into a deep depression out of which I never believe I shall emerge." "Water. Water everywhere. Standing in water and complaining you are thirsty." "You are a real smartass, Dr. Meghan." "Even asses need to drink water. The smart ones will drink filtered water."

I don't drink filtered water anymore. I hardly drink enough water period. I get most of my water in the form of ice cubes and tears. No, not tears. There's my second lie of the post. But I am a doctor! That was in no way a lie. Why in the world would I lie about being a doctor? Just so I can have access to healthcare and white lab coats? Psssh. You must be taking crazy pills. Prescribed by me. I prescribed you those pills and I also prescribe you some water and a day out on the lake in a metaphorical canoe. An ounce of experience is worth a pound of maple syrup.

Well, time to teach America's future! After reading this post, I sincerely wonder if you wonder if America's future is in the wrong hands. But stop worrying about it. The only thing wrong with my hands are that they are incredibly achy, sore, and tingly. Not a problem, kiddos. At least they can still hold an oar.

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