blank wall, blank page, please just give me a blanket

I ALMOST read an article online titled "27 Wacky Ways to Beat Writer's Block." I probably would have read it if they had left out the word "wacky." Don't get me wrong, I am a fan of the word wacky, but I use it because it is so wacky and stupid. I'm not a serious user of the word wacky and I have a feeling that website was very serious about their list, the list which some grad student shit out in 5 minutes in between checking Twitter and adding more cream to their coffee. Did you know I always take my coffee black? Well, I do. I have my reasons. None of those reasons are very interesting, but they are wacky.

So I might have writer's block. So this might not come as much of a surprise to you or me or even Obama. He's likely not surprised by much anymore. I need direction maybe? I need a professor to tell me what to write. Ever since graduating, the most I have written is one weird stimulant-fueled short story about a man wandering around a park. I had a brilliant idea two years ago for a novel, which I started to write and of course stopped after about 500 words. And then a few months ago I had another idea, more or less brilliant, for another novel. It too was abandoned after, like, a paragraph. Maybe I'm not cut out for novels. Maybe I should stick with poetry. Poetry is a comfortable and musty fur coat I've owned for years, ghosts of previous owners still hanging around in the pockets and under the collar. I like plays as well. I'm confident in writing dialogue. Well, confident may not exactly be a word I choose for anything I do, but it's something resembling confidence.

Or I could always stick to blog posts about how I am struggling. That's always fun.

Okay, fine. I'll just tweet. And only tweet. Why would I do anything else? Give up the hours spent hammering out a novel! Give in to the hashtag! Give me a spot on the bestseller list! Give the public what they want!

Oh screw it. Give me a pen and let me get to work. Less stewing in self-doubt, more kicking ass with words. Not just any kind of words, though. Wacky words.