reach

I hesitate starting my post with the word "I" because it just seems so self-centered. But isn't that what blogs are for? To satiate one's ego? And besides, who gives a rat's ass which word I use to begin a post or a tweet or a novel or a poem or a hahahaha, like I'll ever start a novel or a poem. Okay, I might start them, but that in no way guarantees that I will finish them. If there is one thing I can do (aside from toasting an English muffin perfectly), it is not finishing projects.

I (I! I! I!) should ease up on myself a little. I do finish projects -- it just depends on the project. I have to be almost obsessively in love with something in order to see it to fruition. And that kind of obsession tends to drive me bonkers (as obsessions naturally do), leaving me frazzled and anxious and euphoric and distraught and joyous and overwhelmed by the extreme ups and downs. Who wants to feel like this all of the time? I definitely don't, which might explain why I don't actively work on fulfilling long-term goals.

But that's crummy. Why assume my desires are not worth the struggle? The struggle is a large part of what makes the fulfillment of the goal so satisfying. Am I just becoming a motivational speaker now? Like, NO PAIN NO GAIN! LEAN IN! NO FEAR! Climb that mountain, reach that peak, brush your teeth, turn off the lights when you exit a room, mind your manners, respect other cultures, open doors for others, do not forget to floss. Not in that order, but also not not in that order. The order doesn't matter. What am I saying? I have gotten off course.

Maybe that's exactly what I need to do more often -- go of course. I stick to my protective, safe routines and schedules and habits and they do nothing but, well, just what I said: keep me safe. Safety is fine. In fact, nine times out of ten I would say err on the side of safety. But that one time I tell myself to take a risk, I want it to be for something I want. That something that may drive me mad along the way, possibly causing waves of nausea and a series of expletives at times, but man oh man is the view at the top worth it.