all(ow)

You know, it's actually a marvelous thing I don't obsess over writing "perfect" posts. I already obsess enough, I'm already a perfectionist about too many things -- so it's nice to give myself a break when it comes to writing. (Although writing might be the one area where I should be a bit obsessed. Should should should.)

On my mind today:

*I have to pack. Packing is the worst. Unpacking is fine because you just throw everything into the wash/trash. I worry too much about what I'm going to wear and what I'm going to read and in the end it never, ever matters. In the end I always feel overwhelmed with the amount of crap I pack that I do not need.

*Food. Food is always on my mind, not just today. But today I am specifically thinking (and perhaps worrying) about what I will eat on the trip. I am not worried about the lack of access to food. There will be plenty of food. I am simply worried about whether or not I will allow myself to have that food. Have it. Eat it, enjoy it, be grateful for it. I want to do all of those things and I will do all of those things. I am determined, determined, determined. Determined to get through the week eating whatever the f-bomb I want. Not just nourishing foods, but pleasurable foods. Eat what I crave, experiment, pay attention. Some meals might not be a success and that's fine. It's all fine. Packing and eating: two worries that do not need to be worries. In fact, most of my worries are little vicious fictions in my large vast head. Remember that, Meggie Pie. (Mmmm... pie. I'll try to have a slice or three this coming week.)

*Buddhist retreats. I keep forgetting and then remembering that I want to volunteer at one soon. I don't know yet if "soon" means this winter or in the spring or next summer or what. I just hope it happens. I hope I am brave enough to take a chance. I hope I learn that overthinking absolutely everything and self-doubt are two massive roadblocks and always have been and always will be.

*My hair being parted in the middle. Yes, I'm doing it again! I am parting it in the middle and know -- know -- that I will regret this hair decision so much upon viewing the first photo of me with the middle part. But for right now I feel cool. And I guess that's all that matters.

Okay, so. Pack, food, retreat, hair. Just recapping this less-than-perfect post, which is wildly perfect. Proud of you, Meggie Burger Donut Ice Cream Pie. You got this. You got all of this.