tune

Okay, let's try this again. I sat down two hours ago to write, but I don't think I actually wanted to write. I wanted to sit. So I sat, for approximately 18 seconds, and then I got back up, slapped on some red lipstick (slapped?), and took a walk in 102 degree weather. My skin began matching my Revlon Fire & Ice lips. I couldn't think clearly due to the heat and the zombies in the park, so I walked back home and put on sunglasses for aesthetic purposes and took a selfie and tweeted it with a clever caption and felt like I had accomplished something of worth and hey welcome to America today. Welcome to the dead end of my generation. Welcome to a land where lipsticks are given clever names and the nameless remain without adequate food and access to clean water. Welcome.

Oh yeah, so the zombies in the park. The zombies are the Pokemon Go players AND BEFORE I GET ANY HATEFUL COMMENTS THROWN MY WAY, let me explain. Actually, no. I don't care to explain because I don't care to take anymore time to discuss and/or complain about my distress over this app that is probably legit fun, but also a real headache for the curmudgeons like moi who want to wander around uninterrupted outside. I get that the zombies also want to wander around outside, but... but... but I was here first! And I'm enjoying the clouds and the birds and the trees and please please pleeeease stop asking me if I've caught this mon or that mon. I don't even know what a mon is, man. The only thing I've caught is a stronger desire to turn on tune in drop out, specifically somewhere in the woods with no wifi and plenty of real life pokemons (sometimes referred to as "woodland creatures").

Enough. Back to what I wasn't saying. What wasn't I saying? A lot. I have been typing a lot lately, but saying very little. This isn't necessarily a criticism, although I do have a talent for finding any and every way possible to criticize myself. My sweet self. My sweet self who tries so damn hard every single day but doesn't acknowledge it ever except for many sometimes in blog posts.

I do try hard. I guess that's what I'm trying to say. But do I succeed? That's where I fall silent.

So let's keep trying. We can wander around and catch whatever we choose to catch. Maybe we can occasionally catch ourselves before we fall silent? Catch ourselves a break? Break our losing streak of disregarding our wants and needs? Something needs to change and it's up to each of us to decide personally, privately what that thing is. I'm still looking for it, whatever it is. It is not to be found in an app on my phone. It is in plain sight out there, up there, in here. Let me access it. Let me pay attention.