Sunday, August 7, 2016


IT HAS BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE I'VE POSTED SOMETHING HASN'T IT??? Okay, just a week or so. But seven days is a long time! Anything can happen in seven days! And a lot has happened in the past seven days! Lotsa stuff occurred while I was on that Wyoming dude ranch. For example, I ate pizza and smoked salmon and roasted chicken and a sandwich the size of Delaware and approximately 17,000 bananas and a frittata and mugs full of Grape Nuts and I would have most definitely had a burger if we would have been in a place that served burgers. In other words, I ate. I ate more than I have in, oh I dunno, seven times seventy days. Maybe even longer. AND THE REAL KICKER IS I didn't even exercise. I guess I just let go and let god, you know? Kidding. But I did let go. I definitely let go of the need to control and restrict and deny. I relaxed. I allowed. I enjoyed immensely.

So now I am back and completely surrounded by reminders of old, unhealthy habits and routines. Will I be triggered? Will I return to what is comfortable, despite being harmful? Yes and yes, because I already have. But -- BUT -- that is okay. It's disappointing, sure. It's frustrating, sure. It's to be expected, sure. I do not think assuming I will fail is necessarily a pessimistic view. I believe it is more of a realistic view. Recovering from any illness is bound to be messy. Recovery will never happen immediately, overnight. Setbacks will happen; it's how I handle these missteps that count.

IN OTHER WORDS, DON'T WORRY! YET! I am still mostly pumped about my new attitude and my new outlook. And my new food in the cupboards and fridge that I purchased today. The keyword is "I." I purchased them, not my eating disorder. Fist bump times 1,000.

I want to write more. I need more sleep first in order to write more. Although maybe that's not true. I can't write in my sleep, can I? Plus, didn't old wino Kerouac write On the Road while on a drug-fueled three-week frenzy? I'm sure he didn't get much sleep during that time. Then again, Jack is kinda meh. Sorry, man. Haunt me if you wish.

Love you, dudes.

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