Sunday, May 22, 2016


Do you ever feel like you could write the world's greatest self-help book, despite being an utter mess in your personal life? Great! Me too! Unrelated, but do you ever get strange red spots on your eyeball that go away after a few days and don't really bother you except they totally bother you mentally because you are a hypochondriac and can't help but obsess over any and every oddity your body gifts you with, no matter how big or small? Great! Me too! And do you ever say, "Gee, I'm gonna take it easy and rest my body and give it time to recover!" but end up walking for five hours in an attempt to ease your anxiety, which just makes your feet suuuper sore and your neighbors suuuper suspicious of this curious girl with the book in hand and the scandalous shoulder tattoo? Yep, wonderful! Great! Splendid! Me too!

I am going to "rest" again today because I want to, I need to, and, well, that's about it. My wants and needs. That's all. And that's all I want to write about concerning this whole time-off-from-the-gym thing. Enough! I've written about it too much, mostly because it is a huge worry of mine. But I don't want to dwell on it anymore. There are about 100,976,889,452 other things in this world to which I can give my attention, all of them more important and fascinating than some goofy gym. Sigh. (One big positive thing that has come from The Great Gym Absence of 2016 is that I am able to discover what some of these 100,976,889,452 things are! My only regret is that I didn't discover them far, far sooner.)

I want Ethiopian food. I want a town to call home. I want a rooftop conversation with someone who challenges my mind. I want to be in a theater production again. I want to identify trees and native plants and weeds. I want lavender hair, despite not being a teenager anymore. I want the perfect red lipstick. I want to pack up and leave, but not run away. I want to discard and get rid of the disguises. I want to dig deep and live light. I want curry.

What the?! Guess what? It feels pretty damn good to express your wants. Not your needs, but your wants -- you know, those things you are supposed to be too humble to admit. The things you are supposed to suppress and find silly, frivolous. Well, none of those wants are frivolous, not even the one about lavender hair and lipstick. Your wants are valid and deserve to be brought out into the light. Share them, seek them, find them. Want what you want, babes. You deserve all of those things and more.