rest

It's all about perspective! It's all about chuggin' along! It's all about fakin' it 'till you make it! It's all about not the Benjamins, but the Tubmans. It is what it is. It is the best of the times, it is the worst of times. It is a beautiful day to have a beautiful day. It is springtime in the Rockies! Unpredictable! Rain one minute, sunshine the next! Hail? Sure, why not! Don't kill the tulips, stormy weather. Or kill them if you must, they'll always grow back.

Hi. I'm back. Momentarily. That was a nice warm-up. That was also a nice way to weed out the fickle readers. You, you who are still reading, are dedicated. Thank you for your dedication, thank you for humoring me, thank you for your constant stream of praise and congratulations. There is a special place in both my heart and heaven (same thing?) for readers like you.

This has so far been a garbage post. I'll stop rambling because I can see how it would be obnoxious to read as well as concerning. I swear I am still lucid. I am just typing away all of my anxiety and restlessness! Why so anxious and restless, dear Meg? Well, I'll explain in under 5,000 words: I recently did something wonky to my lower back. I think it is my sciatic nerve or whatever? I dunno. But whatever I did, it makes it painful to run -- and not very wise, either. So that means I gotta rest, huh? What a radical idea. For me it really is a radical idea. I'm under the dumb mindset that you just run off the pain. Or ignore it. Ignore everything and it will go away, Meg! That's worked 100% of the time in the past, hasn't it?! Ohhhh hold on a damn sec. No. No, it hasn't. Ignoring a person/place/thing/irritated sciatic nerve will only make the problem bigger and less easy to ignore. And since I've become a professional in the field of ignoring issues, I have almost no training in how to not ignore issues. In other words, confronting the uncomfortable is a foreign land and I don't even know how to ask for directions.

So I am finally forced to chill the eff out. I am forced to take a break from my breakneck routine before I break. I am forced to face what I've kept hidden for too long. Sweeping out the corners of my life/mind/bedroom, if you will. And I will. I will literally sweep out the corners of my bedroom today. I will clean, I will organize, I will read the hell and heaven and earth out of books, I will write, I will write, I will type, I will maybe MAYBE check my email (gonna take courage), I will keep myself busy so I can... avoid the discomfort. Crap. Back to square one.

Hey, Rome wasn't built in a day. It took at least 48 hours to build one of the largest empires of the ancient world. I get that. I also get that I am ignoring my anxiety about my injury by keeping myself incredibly busy and occupied -- but at least I recognize that? So maybe I'm not completely ignoring my anxiety? Acknowledgment is kinda the opposite of avoidance, yeah? Sigh. Let me pause for a second -- Okay. Okay, I am fine. One or two or even twelve days off of running isn't the end of the world. Keeping busy with healthy things is not a bad thing. Rubbing my butt is definitely not a bad thing. Get that butt feeling better, Meg, and be gentle with yourself, your butt, your mind, etc. You are doing better than you realize.