Sunday, May 29, 2016


My butt hurts and it is cold (thank the frozen peas and green beans -- I've moved on to two bags of vegetables). My eye freaks out constantly due to old contacts (?) or killer pollen (?) or a beautiful mix of the two. My nose won't rest until it is blown. That last sentence sounds unintentionally pervy and that's okay. And there are always strange things going on with my fingers, the big toenail on my right foot is so funky that it's almost entertaining, and occasionally I'll get these curious indentations on my forehead. Am I falling apart? No, I just have a body. So I guess in a way I am falling apart. We all are! Welcome to mortality!

Alright, now that I have that weirdness out of the way, let me get serious. Pause pause pause... After typing "let me get serious," I sat (on peas) staring (with my wonky eye) at the computer with my fingers (which are sometimes wonky, but thankfully not so much right now) resting on the keyboard, having no clue what to type next. Typical. But still I type! Still I waste your time with words you need not read because lately I am never saying anything new or provocative or entertaining. If anything, I am only writing words which lead to concern and/or annoyance. But then again...

...Then again, maybe it would be cool if I give myself some credit or at least a break. I am so quick to jump on the self-deprecating bandwagon (there's a self-deprecating bandwagon?) for whatever reason -- is it an attempt at modesty? Is it a shield of some sort? Is it an excuse to write crummy things? I don't know, but it's not very fun. And it's summertime! Everything is supposed to be fun! Fun and popsicles! And it's also my life -- I don't want to make every moment a drag, ya know? Not every moment has to be popsicles, but I can at least throw a few Otter Pops in there to balance out the shit pies I regularly make myself eat.

Soooo... Am I advocating self-love? You bet your ass I am. I advocate it all the time -- just for other people. And I usually have plans to practice it for myself, but I never quite follow through with them. I suppose what I am writing right now is simply another plan, but this time I'm going to ask you to help me to stick with the plan -- the plan to see myself as a friend, not an enemy. I want to be my biggest support, not a horrific dictator with a frozen butt. You don't have to tell me any encouraging words or "check up" on me or whatever... Just send me some rad vibes, yeah? Yeah, thanks!

Look at me -- becoming all vulnerable and asking for help. Aren't I adorable? Oh no! Did I say that in a condescending voice? Maybe a little. Old habits are hard to break. But there was a little bit of sincere love in there as well. The love feels better. It always has, it always will.


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